


tell me who i am (because i don't know)

by starxreactor



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bodyguard, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), Identity Porn, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Post-Avengers (2012), Secret Identity, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Team as Family, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-06 20:17:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19069909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starxreactor/pseuds/starxreactor
Summary: “Is that all you called me here for?”Tony stands up abruptly, walking around the desk and glancing out one of the windows. “No, actually. See, Pepper’s been nagging me to get an actual bodyguard since that happened. Usually, I would just argue that I don’t need one, since – technically, I’m my own bodyguard, but now she won’t let up since I was in the suit and still couldn’t fight back against a civilian.” Tony ignores the heat crawling up the back of his neck at that. Ithadbeen pretty embarrassing that he’d been jumped like that. “I figured, I might as well hire someone on my own terms before she did it for me. And you’re a good guy, clearly, otherwise you wouldn’t have done what you did. So, want to become my bodyguard?”-It's 2012, and the Avengers have defeated Loki and his army. Tony has a new bodyguard, and all seems well.Except – his bodyguard acts really strangely at times, and he doesn't seem to be caught up with the world around him. He has a dark, mysterious past which he refuses to divulge beyond little tidbits. Once, he claimed to have killed people. Not to mention he reminds Tony of someone he used to know – someone he used tolove– decades ago.





	tell me who i am (because i don't know)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChaoticDemon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticDemon/gifts).



> God, I knew this would be long the second I came up with the idea. I did not expect it to be nearly 30K. To my giftee, I really, really hope you like this. I tried hard to make this fit with what you liked. <3
> 
> I put the prompts that inspired this in the end notes, just because I thought they could be a bit spoilery.

Tony’s helping clean up after the fight – they’re calling it the Battle of New York – when the attack happens.

The battle is won, but there’s still so much to do and help with. There’s rubble everywhere, people are injured and dying, and homes and businesses have been destroyed. Tony’s been working with Damage Control to keep weapons out of the hands of civilians, and he’s been working to create a foundation just for this sort of thing, but he can still help out as Iron Man as well.

The other Avengers are… somewhere. He knows Rogers, Thor, and Hulk are helping to locate any missing people and clear up debris, and Barton and Romanoff may be around as well. He hopes so. With what Tony saw, he likes the idea of the team all being in one location so that it’s easier to handle any problems that pop up – because there will be problems in the future. Tony’s not called a futurist for nothing.

He’s seen what’s out there – Loki was just the first step. There are other, bigger threats out there and they need to prepare for that.

Maybe he’s getting ahead of himself. For now, just focus on cleaning up the debris and helping anyone that needs it.

Tony has his helmet off, because there’s no immediate threat, and so he can appear more personable to the public.

Tony pulls away the last block of concrete, bending down and helping the person who was trapped underneath out. “I found someone else. How’re you doing on your end, Cap?”

_“Still working on clearing out rubble in my area. Try to locate more civilians.”_

“Roger that,” Tony says jokingly. There’s no response, so he’s assuming it wasn’t appreciated. Screw Rogers. That was a magnificent pun – of course, all of Tony’s jokes are amazing.

It’s been three days, and they’re still discovering more people. It’s awful to think. Tony watches as the paramedics take away the woman, who’s sobbing quietly to herself – dry, heaving things due to days of dehydration. Poor lady. He knows what it feels like to be trapped in a dark, suffocating place. It’s not an experience he would wish on anyone.

He’s so lost in thought staring after the woman who was taken away that he completely misses the chunk of concrete that slams into his temple.

A blinding pain splits his head apart, and he loses his balance, falling backwards. There’s dark spots in his vision and a burning ache spreading from the point of contact to the rest of his head and neck. There’s shouting in the comms, but his head is swimming too much for him to be able to make out any words.

Tony still can’t see properly when he feels something step on his chest. “Not so high and mighty are you now, Stark?” the voice hisses right into his ear. Tony can feel another solid weight pressing against his head, threatening to split it open.

Tony gasps, attempting to push himself up, but the pain is overwhelming, a spark of electricity coursing through his nerves and searing his brain. “Nngh,” he manages.

 _“Stark, what’s going on? Have you been compromised?”_ Cap asks, and Tony whimpers at the sound directly filtering into his ear. _“Stark! Hold on, I’m coming your way.”_

“You know, I thought you were supposed to be heroes,” the voice continues. “Everyone sure thinks you are. But then why is my family dead, Stark? Explain that, genius.”

“I–” Tony croaks out, just before the weight settled on his head moves away and bashes into it. The stars are back in his vision, and his head is on fire, pinpricks of light splitting his head apart and poring deep into his brain. He feels something thick and cloying in his throat, spilling out of his mouth and all over him.

The weight on his chest is removed, and Tony can’t do anything but moan.

Then there are hands reaching for him, pulling apart the armor and turning him over. Tony can’t help the whimper as the flames licking at his head get stronger. “I know I should not move you but you were about to choke on your vomit,” a low, gravelly voice says, one that Tony feels is familiar, like home. A hand brushes over his shoulder. Strangely enough, it feels more like metal than anything.

“Al’x?” Tony mumbles.

There’s a pause. Then, “Stay still. Help is coming.”

That’s all Tony hears before he succumbs to darkness.

 

 

 

He wakes up to silence. His head is foggy and muddled, like he’s trapped underwater – and yet, his throat is dry and scratchy as though he’d spent his day wandering through the deserts of Afghanistan. He’s in a bed, facing a blank, white ceiling that seems to be shifting under the light. There’s an IV in his arm.

“Ng,” Tony says.

There’s a rustling to his right, and then Pepper’s face pops into view. “Oh, Tony!” Her eyes are underlined with dark circles, and Tony wonders what happened. Is this – was he in Afghanistan again? “How are you feeling? No, don’t answer that, it’s a dumb question.”

“P’er,” he says.

Pepper’s eyes light up. “Would you like some water?” The bed moves so that he’s tilted more upwards, and then a plastic rim presses against his dry, chapped lips.

Tony quickly swallows all the water that spills into his mouth, soothing on his aching throat. “What – what happened?” he asks, voice still raspy, once he’s had enough. His head is still heavy and sluggish, but with the water he feels a bit more fresh.

“Some crazy guy attacked you,” Pepper explains, setting down the cup by his bed. “I didn’t see it, but apparently he hit you with rubble and was about to bash your head in before someone saw and stepped in.”

“Oh,” Tony says. He vaguely recalls flashes of blood and violence and searing pain. “Do you know who? Who saved me, I mean.”

Pepper shakes her head. “They disappeared before anyone could get a good look at them.”

Tony frowns. Why would they run off? Did they not want to be recognized, for whatever reason? He was going to have to find out who it was as soon as he could talk to JARVIS.

“You’ve woken up a few times already, by the way,” Pepper continues. “You were just too high to talk properly.”

“Oh,” Tony says again, because he’s lost ability to talk properly, apparently. He’s sure Pepper recorded everything he said to use against him at a later time. “When can I leave?”  
  
Pepper rolls her eyes. “Not for a while, idiot. They’re certain you don’t have any permanent damage, and you’re not acting any more brain damaged than usual, but they want to keep you here for  _at least_  three more nights to monitor you. Did you hear the ‘at least?’”

“I did,” Tony says, “but come on, it wasn’t that bad, I don’t have to stay here that long. How long have I been asleep anyway?”

“A week,” Pepper says. “You’ve finally healed enough that you’re not going to be in blinding pain the moment they take you off sedation.”

“A week,” Tony murmurs. “That’s so long. Where’s the team?”

“Here and there,” Pepper says, waving a careless hand. “They’ll probably visit you later. I know Captain America was asking about you.”  
  
“Nice of him,” Tony grunts. He can feel the pull of sleep dragging down his eyelids, and he fights to keep them open. The bed is comfortable enough, and his head is heavy against the pillows.

Pepper rests a hand on his shoulder, warm and grounding to the touch. “Sleep, Tony. Someone’ll be there when you wake up again.”

Tony wants to protest, but he quickly finds himself drifting off again just as she presses a kiss to his cheek.

 

 

 

Pepper isn’t there the next time he wakes up. Instead, it’s Steve Rogers. He’s sitting in a chair by Tony’s bed wearing those awful khakis and a plaid shirt, reading some book. Tony can’t catch the title from his view point.

“Hey, Cap,” he says.

Rogers’ head shoots up, immediately straightening up and setting the book aside. “Stark. How are you feeling?”

Tony pushes himself up, ignoring how that makes the dull pounding in his head spike for a moment. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”  
  
“It’s a legitimate question,” Rogers says, shrugging. “Your injuries were pretty bad.”  
  
Tony makes a face. “You saw me?”

“I did,” Rogers says. “There was a lot of blood, and you threw up.”

There’s a pause. “Thanks,” Tony says, for once at a loss as to how to respond. He raises an eyebrow, realizing no one else is there. “What, did you draw the short straw in babysitting me?”  
  
Rogers closes his eyes for a moment, seemingly fighting himself to not rise to the bait. “As fake as it sounds, maybe I was just worried about your wellbeing. I am your captain, after all.” That’s a clear jab, Tony can tell, seeing as how he’s not one to follow orders.

If they were in any other situation, Tony would immediately go on the defensive at that statement. He _doesn't_  care about whether or not Captain America is concerned about him – he doesn’t, okay? But he’s still so tired, the last vestiges of the pain that had swallowed him up fighting to remain in his head. He sags, the tension in his body loosening up and bleeding out. “Okay,” he breathes.  
  
Rogers blinks, tilting his head. For a moment, he just looks like a confused, lost kid. “‘Okay?’ What, no retort? No snappy comeback?”

“Wow, I can’t believe you’re mocking me like this when I’m down and vulnerable. Don’t you have a punching bag to destroy, old man?” Tony snaps, turning his back to Rogers.

“There’s the Stark I know and love,” Rogers deadpans.

“Gross, no need to hit on me,” Tony says, turning back to face him. “We’ve known each other for, like, a week, and I was unconscious for most of it.”

Rogers shrugs, ducking his head, but his shoulders are shaking and it’s clear he’s trying hard not to laugh. Tony can’t help the lazy grin he gets at that.

Maybe Cap doesn’t have as big a stick up the ass as Tony thought.

 

 

 

Tony’s finally discharged from the hospital a full four days later, with strict instructions to take it easy from everyone he knows. He waves off their concerns – he may have done some stupid things in his life, but he’s not _that_ stupid. He knows what to do.

New York looks completely different once he’s wheeled (he didn’t want to do it, but the nurses had insisted, and then Steve gave him those sad eyes and he had no choice) out the front doors, followed by the Avengers. The rubble is almost entirely gone, and the buildings that were damaged are already in the process of being rebuilt.

Tony takes it in with a wide smile, and Steve, who’s wheeling him, leans over to get a look at his face. “What’s with the smile?” he asks.

Tony toys with his sunglasses a bit, finally pulling them off and placing them in his lap. “It’s just – nice to see New York getting back into its groove,” he says.

Steve hums. “Yeah, I guess,” he says. Tony realizes he’s probably thinking of the New York he grew up in and inwardly winces. He’d gotten to know Steve some more while he was imprisoned in the hospital, and honestly, he’s… not an awful person.

Well, obviously, Tony knew that – this is Captain America he’s talking about – but he’s not as irritating and boring and morally pure as he had been led to believe. Sure, he’s still incredibly righteous and stubborn, but Steve can also be quick to temper, he’s not afraid to break the law, and he has an  _incredibly_ dry sense of humor. All in all, not the worst guy to hang out with.

Tony’s starting to realize that most of their argument and emotions had probably been exacerbated by the scepter. They were still his feelings, sure, but they had been dormant until once he stepped in the helicarrier, where he had suddenly felt as though everyone was judging him and he felt the urge to – he doesn’t even know, protect himself from rejection by lashing out at Steve before he even got to know him, to take out all his frustration with his dad on him.

That doesn’t mean it wasn’t what he felt, but he just… he felt like a different person in the helicarrier. Like all he could feel was the bitterness inside rise up and coil around him in dark, oily tendrils until it was all he knew.

The thing is, Tony is not aggressive by nature, not unless he feels threatened or someone has done something to warrant it. He doesn’t like to pick fights nearly as much as people think he does. But in that helicarrier, all he could  _feel_ was as though he was being threatened and picked apart until all that was left was his vulnerable insides. And to prevent that from happening, he had gone into fight or flight mode – fight being the dominant answer, since he couldn’t very well run away when the world was being threatened.

And if he’s honest with himself,  _completely_ honest with himself the way he usually isn’t, he was fearful of rejection. He’d already not made the cut for the team because he wasn’t good enough – the only reason he’d been called in was because SHIELD had no other choice – and so in order to protect himself from that potential rejection, he purposefully acted out so that at least if it did come to that, he would have been prepared.

The point is, there was a lot going on that day and a lot of it was just heightened fear and trauma and anxiety and all those gross emotions Tony tries to ignore on a daily basis. He shouldn’t have judged Steve so harshly  _(even when it was just him repeating what he’d told himself for years, ever since Dad first compared him to Cap)_ and he shouldn’t have acted out the way he did. He was better than that now.

“You alright?” Romanoff asks Steve. Tony twists around to get a look at their faces.

Steve shakes his head for a moment as though he’s snapping himself out of whatever memory he’d lost himself in, and smiles. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“We should hurry before the paparazzi catch us,” Tony says, craning his neck around to make sure he can’t spot any of those bastards.

“Oh, right,” Steve says, pushing the wheelchair forward.

There’s a limo waiting up front, ready to take them all to the tower. Are the Avengers staying? Or are they just dropping him off? Up until, like, right now he had been under the impression that they all had their own places to go to. Not that he minds, really. He doesn’t think they’ll be awful roommates, even if some of them have a penchant for killing people.

“How are you doing, boss?” Happy asks, opening the door for Tony to get in. He crawls in, and then motions for everyone else to get in, as well.

Barton climbs into the car, and then sprawls out on the seats across Tony. “I could get used to this,” he says, sighing. Romanoff is more sedate, seating herself next to Barton and crossing her legs.

“It’s not... bad,” she says as Steve and Bruce get in as well.

“So, you’re staying? In the tower, I mean?” Tony asks, choosing to ignore her remark. “All of you?” He tries hard not to sound excited about that, because then that means his plans for the future will be in motion. Plus, he can get to know these people more.

There’s an awkward silence during which the car starts up. Tony starts to feel a tightness in his chest. He should have known.

“Romanoff and I are being sent out to DC soon,” Steve says apologetically. “And before that, I wanted to get a look at how exactly the US has changed.”

“Oh,” Tony says stupidly. He really had thought– “Bruce? Barton? Thor?”

Barton shakes his head. “Sorry, Stark, but I have enough going on. I need to figure things out for myself before anything else.”

That’s fair, that’s fair. Tony can’t blame him, what with the whole mind control thing.

Thor does the same, shaking his head and looking extremely upset. “I am being called back to Asgard to deal with Loki and the Tesseract soon, and I don’t know if I’ll be coming back.”

Oh. That’s – okay.

Bruce smiles shyly at Tony. “I’ll stay for a bit. Check out those R&D labs you were talking about.”

That lessens some of the knots constricting his chest. At least _one_ of them– “Okay,” Tony says, pulling on his sunglasses again, “okay. That’s – that’s fine. It’s fine.” And then, because he’s an idiot who doesn’t know how to shut up, “Totally fine. I understand. I mean, we all have our own things to deal with, I shouldn’t have expected. That. You would stay. Not that you’re not welcome to later, the tower will always be open, I just get that you have other things to do. God knows how busy I am–”

“Tony, you’re rambling,” Steve cuts in. He looks incredibly sad, blue eyes wide and forlorn, like – like a puppy’s. “I’m sorry I can’t stay right away, but I appreciate the offer being open. Maybe I’ll come stop by sometimes.”

“Sure,” Tony says casually, lazily, like his heart isn’t soaring at that fact. He’s cool, okay, chill as a cucumber. A cool dude. Nothing gets to him. He definitely doesn’t care about the Avengers and what they do with their lives.

And really, he doesn’t. It’s more that… he thinks it’d be better that they all stay in one place, ready for the next threat. That way there’s no chance of them being defeated.

They should also expand the roster, shouldn’t they? Saving the world with six people (two of which were unenhanced spies) was a fluke. Statistically, it’s unlikely that they can repeatedly do that with bigger and better threats. Tony already knows they can add Rhodey. And surely more and more superpeople – ugh, that sounds so stupid – more  _enhanced_ people will pop up?

The rest of the ride is a bit awkward, them trying to make small talk and ignoring the fact that they had all just ruined Tony’s hopes a little bit. Tony’s grateful once the car parks in the tower’s garage and the door is opened. He immediately gets out, stumbling a bit, but Happy catches him before he can fall.

He has some things he needs to do, and it was torture having to wait for so long to do it. Tony waits impatiently for the rest of them to get out, bouncing on the balls of his feet and crossing his arms. “Come on,” he urges once they’re all out, ushering them towards the elevator. “I’m going to give you all the grand tour.”

“We’ve been in the tower before, Stark, I don’t think it’s necessary,” Romanoff says as they step into the elevator.

“You just saw my penthouse, which was ruined, by the way, you haven’t seen everything else. You know the drill, J,” Tony says, and the elevator is off.

He steps onto the first floor he’s planning on showing them once the doors open. “So, this was meant to be an office but I’m planning on doing a bit of remodeling here, turning this into a liveable floor. I’m imagining it to be like, a bedroom over there, and the kitchen over there.” Tony waves his hands around as he speaks, gesturing towards everything.

He goes through the rest of the floors he wants to show them – hopefully, if things go to plan, there will be a floor for each of the Avengers. He just doesn’t want to tell them that because he has a feeling he’ll scare them away. He’s also planning on a communal floor for all of them to share that has a state-of-the-art gym, kitchen, movie theater, and whatever else their hearts desire.

They seem to pay enough attention to his words, which is nice, usually people tend to lose focus once he gets started, but Steve, at least, is hanging onto his every word as he goes over the tour.

Once he’s done showing them around his penthouse apartment, he whirls around to face them with a bright grin. “I know you said you’re not going to stay, but I mean, if you need to crash for the night, or ever, actually, you can just come over. I’m… pretty sure I have enough rooms here that I can turn them into a guest room. Or, you know, you saw the other floors, I can whip something up. It’s not a problem.”  _Wow, Tony, could you sound any less desperate?_

They all look slightly overwhelmed, Steve and Bruce the most. “Tony, that’s a lot–” Steve starts  
  
Tony quickly waves it off, knowing what Steve’s going to say. “Again, billionaire, I don’t really care. Besides, you guys aren’t… you’re not  _awful_ .”  
  
“That’s a ringing endorsement coming from you,” Romanoff says with a slight quirk to her lips.

Tony looks at her from over the top of his sunglasses. “Don’t get used to it, honey. Anyway, is there anything you guys need? I was planning on, uh, checking something out in my workshop.” At their suddenly tense stances, he exclaims, “I don’t mean building anything! God, why would it matter even if I was?”

“I think we’re good, Tony,” Steve says, smiling. “I can stay for the day and, I don’t know, figure something out. We do all have to go off tomorrow, though.”

“Okay, well, if you need anything, just let JARVIS know,” Tony says, backing up to the elevator. “He’s the AI that runs the tower. Say hi, JARVIS.”  
  
“Hello, everyone,” comes JARVIS’ voice. Steve and Bruce both jump, while Romanoff doesn’t flinch since she’s already met him. Barton doesn’t react either, and Tony’s not sure if that’s because Romanoff already told him about JARVIS or just because he’s a SHIELD agent. “I am JARVIS. As Mr. Stark already said, I run the tower. If you ever need anything, just let me know and I will be happy to assist you.”

Tony slips into the elevator after that, satisfied that they are in good hands, if metaphorically.

Once he steps into his workshop, he immediately heads for his helmet which Pepper had taken the liberty to leave there with the rest of the suit after Tony was was assaulted. The case with the Tesseract is also there, which is – good. He was worried SHIELD might have gotten their dirty, greedy paws on it while he was indisposed.

He still doesn’t recall much of the actual event, and what he  _does_ remember is literally just pain, but if he had his helmet off then it must have been close enough to see  _something_ , depending on its angle. “JARVIS, playback the recording from when I was attacked.”

Light filters out of the eye slits, forming a hologram of the event. It starts just as Tony moves the rubble to free that woman, who is taken away. Tony watches himself as he is left alone after saving her – he really should get her name to check on her.

The Tony in the recording is lost in thought, which is why he doesn’t notice the man approaching from the side and picking up a considerably sized chunk of concrete.

Tony winces as he sees the guy slam the concrete into his temple, the exact place where it made contact throbbing in real life, and Tony tenderly presses a hand against it. He’s not interested in the man who’s now gloating over him as Tony gasps for breath – they’d arrested him already, and Pepper has filed charges for him.

What he’s more interested in is – there. A dark blur hurtles out of nowhere, tackling the man off of Tony and brutally slamming a fist into his skull. The man is winded, but not unconscious yet. He doesn’t seem like he’ll be able to get back up, though.

The other one, Tony’s savior, turns to hurry over to Tony’s side. Tony watches as he manages to unlatch the armor after struggling a bit, turning Tony over and apologizing. The angle isn’t good enough to get a look at the man’s face, especially with the dark strands of hair obscuring it.

“J, go back twelve seconds and replay it at point five speed.”

The video reverses to just as the hero is getting off his attacker and turning towards to Tony. “Pause and zoom into his face by fifty percent. Uh, make that seventy-five.”

The man’s face blooms into view, icy blue eyes glinting. He looks – almost familiar, like Tony has seen him before. He has no idea where, though. “Identification, if you can.”

JARVIS doesn’t hesitate. “I believe it is Jacob Brannigan from accounting.”

Oh. It’s someone from SI, that’s – that’s probably why Tony recognizes him. Though why was he nearby in the first place?  
  
It’s no matter. He saved Tony’s life, which is more than enough for him to be grateful. He probably just happened to be in the right place at the right time. “If he’s at work here right now, send him over if you can. Or, actually, I’ll just go talk to him whenever he’s free. Just let him know.”

There’s a pause, and then, “Done. He’s saying that he’s willing to meet now, wherever you want.”

“Tell him my office.”

“Done again,” JARVIS says after a moment.

“Great!” Tony heads out of his workshop and into the elevator. “Run a background check and text me the details. Don’t wait up for Daddy, J.”

Tony’s excited as he walks into his office. He’s not sure why, but he  _needs_ to thank this man. He absolutely didn’t have to save Tony, especially considering he was in his suit at the time. Or, well, he could have just knocked the guy out and left Tony there instead of helping him.

His phone pings, and he checks the details of what JARVIS has found out. Apparently, he’s been working at the company for… only about a week now, and before that he was a war veteran with an honorable discharge jumping from one job to the next.

Tony only has to wait a few minutes until there’s a knock on his door, and Tony hurries to open it. “Mr. Brannigan, hi!” he exclaims brightly, blinking now that he’s seen the guy in real life. It’s – definitely the guy in the projection. His hair is loose and dark, and his eyes are a piercing, bright blue. Stubble dots his jaw, framing his perfectly sculpted cheekbones and full, pink lips. All in all, a _very_ good-looking guy. The strangest thing about him is that he’s wearing dark gloves.

Tony ignores the immediate attraction to him, because that would just be unprofessional and he doesn’t want to scare the guy away. He’s  _trying_ , okay? “Remember me?” he blurts out dumbly. “Sorry, that was stupid. Uh,” he gestures towards the seat in front of his desk. “You can sit there. Do you want anything to drink? Water? Coffee?”

“I am fine,” the man – Brannigan, that was his last name – says. His voice is low, rough and yet smooth at the same time, like whiskey on the rocks. He takes a seat, glancing around the room with clear curiosity. There’s something – analytical about his gaze, like he’s trying to figure something out. Well, he is an accountant.

Tony sits down on his side of the desk. “Okay, that’s fine.” And then, without any sort of preamble, he asks, “Why did you save me?”

There’s a pause. Brannigan furrows his brow. “I… it was the right thing to do,” he says simply.

Tony hadn’t really expected any sort of other answer, except maybe, “I’m a huge fan of you.”

“Well, okay. I just – I wanted to thank you for saving my life back there.” He points at the bandages that are still covering his temples for the time being. “I would have been a goner otherwise.” 

“It’s… no problem,” Brannigan says slowly. “Is that all you called me here for?”

Tony stands up abruptly, walking around the desk and glancing out one of the windows. “No, actually. See, Pepper’s been nagging me to get an actual bodyguard since that happened. Usually, I would just argue that I don’t need one, since – technically, I’m my own bodyguard, but now she won’t let up since I was in the suit and still couldn’t fight back against a civilian.” Tony ignores the heat crawling up the back of his neck at that. It  _had_ been pretty embarrassing that he’d been jumped like that. “I figured, I might as well hire someone on my own terms before she did it for me. And you’re a good guy, clearly, otherwise you wouldn’t have done what you did. So, want to become my bodyguard?”  
  
He turns to face Brannigan, who looks slightly taken aback. “I saved your life so you are promoting me?” he asks.

Tony shrugs. “I like to hire good people, so whenever I see someone out there I try my best to promote them or hire them. It’s a thing,” he explains. He’s been doing it since – honestly, he has no idea. He’s just always – been attracted to acts of heroism and valor, even before Iron Man. If someone is out there demonstrating their virtues and goodness why shouldn’t they get rewarded? It’s how Happy and Pepper were hired, and a whole slew of other people in his company.

“Good people,” Brannigan murmurs, almost to himself. “That’s an idiotic thing to do. You’ll end up trusting the wrong person and getting yourself killed.”

“Well, it hasn’t happened yet, unless you count Obie – Stane, who absolutely doesn’t count since he’d been working at the company since before I was even born.”

There’s a pregnant pause, loud and obvious in its silence. Brannigan’s eyes are narrowed, and his already calculating gaze somehow becomes even more piercing. “Stane?” he says.

Tony waves a hand, ignoring the clench in his chest that occurs whenever he thinks of the man. “Never mind him. Just – someone that I lost.”

“I see,” Brannigan says. “And if I were to take this ‘bodyguard’ mission what would I be expected to do?” 

Tony shrugs. “Just hang around me when I go out in public. You don’t even have to be there when I’m in the tower. And, well, I don’t expect you to _have_ to put yourself in danger, it’s mostly to settle Pepper’s concerns.”

Brannigan stands up, moving towards Tony so that they’re standing about a foot apart. He’s a lot taller than Tony, he realizes, towering over him. Or maybe it just seems that way because of how…  _buff_ he is. Really, the difference is just a few inches.

The suit doesn’t do much for him, ill-fitting and too big, but Tony can tell that he’s jacked. “Then what is the point of being your bodyguard? I do not – when I am given an assignment, I am expected to follow it through to completion. If I am your bodyguard, then those are my mission parameters. To protect you.”

He’s a bit of a weirdo, talking about his job like it’s a mission, but Tony can’t judge. He has his own missions, after all. “Okay, well, if you want to you can. I’m not going to stop you.”

“If I want to?” Brannigan asks, sounding dubious. “I will take the job, but only if you lay out exactly what you expect of me.”

“Huh, you’re a bit of a follower, then?” Tony asks, not expecting an actual answer. “Okay, well, I’ll have Pepper handle that stuff. She’ll come to you soon with a contract that you can sign. Just know that you have to protect me. Like, that’s really all you have to do.”

Brannigan blinks at Tony slowly. He’s still got that gaze of his, as though he’s trying to figure out every single chink in Tony’s armor – but not, like, in a bad way. More like he just wants to figure out Tony’s angle in this. What he’s planning on doing.

Which is – valid, he supposes. From Brannigan’s point of view, his boss just decided to personally promote him just because he happened to be a decent person. But it’s fine. He seems willing to take the job, which is all Tony cares about.

“Okay,” Brannigan says, “I’ll do it.”

“Okay,” Tony echoes, smiling and holding out his hand, “it was nice to meet you, Mr. Brannigan. And hopefully the job won’t be too stressful.”

Brannigan seems to stare at his hand for a moment in confusion, before hesitantly grabbing it with his own. Tony shakes his hand, and then lets go, still smiling. “Is there anything else you need?”

It’s a clear dismissal, and Brannigan shakes his head. “No, I am fine. Uh, thank you.” He pauses in the doorway, nodding at Tony, and then leaves the office.

“J, call Pepper,” Tony says once the door closes behind him. “I need to speak with her about my new bodyguard…”

 

 

 

Pepper is mostly confused once he’s done explaining. “Wait, so you hired a bodyguard just because he saved your life? Does he even have the qualifications for it?”  
  
“Pep, if he saved my life that’s good enough for me. There’s not a lot of people who would do that.”  
  
“Yes, there are,” Pepper retorts.

“And I did a background check on him and everything,” Tony continues, ignoring her. “He had an honorable discharge from the army a few years back, and started working here a month ago after resigning from some other job at a mechanic shop.”

There’s a loud sigh. “Still, I would have liked to known before you hired him. I mean, there was the whole mess with Natalie Rushman turning out to be a SHIELD agent, and Obie, and even before that you had Sunset Bain, Tiberius Stone, Kathy Dare, and Indries Moomji. Point is, you can be a bit too trusting at times.”  
  
Tony shakes his head, even though Pepper can’t see him. “Uh uh, I hired Natashalie because I  _knew_ there was something off about her. Besides, she’s not all bad.” Not that he trusts her, but she’s not an awful person or anything. He ignores all the other people she mentioned.  
  
“I thought it was because she modeled in Tokyo,” Pepper says in confusion.

“I made you think it was because she modeled in Tokyo because you were clearly jealous of her. It was hilarious to watch.”

There’s a moment of silence as Pepper digests that. “I hate you,” she announces, “I’m stepping down as CEO and retiring to France so that I never have to see your face again.”

“Kind of hard to do that when I’m famous and have my face appear on the TV every few weeks.”

“Fuck you,” Pepper says, which is only about the third time she has ever cursed in her life since meeting him. Tony’s been keeping track.

Tony smirks as he move his phone to his other ear, sitting down at his desk and lifting his feet up on top of it. “You did, actually, for a while there. It was pretty great.”

“Tony,” Pepper says, his name clearly coming out through gritted teeth. “Shut. Up.”

Tony twirls a pen in his hand. “Done. Anyway, can you get the contract finished?”

Pepper still sounds a bit aggravated as she says, “Fine, I’ll do it. But I expect to meet this guy in person before anything else. I don’t want him to hurt you in any way.”  
  
“Aw, you do love me,” Tony says.

“Bye, Tony,” Pepper says loudly instead of confirming his statement, and then hangs up.

Tony laughs and looks up at the nearest camera. “She does love me,” he says to JARVIS. Pepper’s a great person, too good, actually, and that’s why they didn’t work out. He enjoyed it while it lasted, though, and at least they’re still friends. That’s a lot better than he can say for most of his romantic pursuits.

Still, it would be nice – nah, don’t think about that right now. He’s fine. Totally fine.

“I’m beginning to doubt that a little, Sir.”

Tony ignores him as he heads out of his office and to the elevator, curious to see what the team is up to. If they’re leaving out tomorrow, maybe he should try hanging out with them for the time being. Just – get to know them better. They really do need to be a proper team to be prepared for whatever’s coming, because it will, Tony saw out there in space.

Their world is infinitesimal in comparison to whatever’s out there.

He’s breathing a little heavily, he realizes, chest tight. He stops, leaning against the wall outside the elevator and takes a few deep breaths, calming himself down. That was – weird.

His head is throbbing slightly, and Tony realizes he needs to take his medication. “J? Did you get my prescriptions?”

“I have, and they were delivered to the penthouse.”

“Great, thanks. What would I do without you?” Tony asks as the elevator doors open and he walks in.

“Most likely die, Sir.” That’s a bit morbid, but it’s probably true.

As Tony walks back into the penthouse, he sees the team is still gathered in the living room watching some sort of movie – A New Hope, it looks like. Good choice.

“Oh, there you are,” Steve says when he notices him. “The others wanted to show me and Thor this movie. Star Battles?”

“Star Wars,” Tony corrects, suppressing his grin. He walks over to where JARVIS told him the medicine was, quickly swallowing whatever he needs dry, and then he seats himself on the couch in between Steve and Bruce, leaning into the back of it.

They spend the rest of the afternoon bingeing the original trilogy, because Steve and Thor both insist on finishing it. They’re transfixed, and Tony remembers the first time he saw the movies himself, back in college. He’d been fifteen at the time, and incredibly upset over the fact that he’d missed the chance to watch them as they came out in theater.

It’s nice, hanging out with them when the world isn’t about to end. They’re able to relax more, and because they’re not all so high-strung it does wonders for team morale. Once again, Tony wishes they were able to stay because they’re really not so bad, and it’s – it’s necessary. For – for the betterment of humanity, and all that. Maybe he should talk with Fury.

But then, he doesn’t want to force the team to stay if they don’t want to either.

He likes it, though. Being with them. More than he thought he would. And they seem to like him enough, which is something Tony can’t say is very common. He’s not so sure about Barton and Romanoff, but both Bruce and Steve seem to enjoy his company, and Thor is just – well, Thor. He’s nice to everyone once he’s not fighting them.

Tony’ll take this for now, though, because it’s all he’ll get.

 

 

 

The next morning, they all see each other off in Central Park.

There are SHIELD agents gathered around to prevent any paparazzi from getting too close to them, and they had brought Loki in from wherever he was detained.

Tony has the case with the Tesseract, which he hands over to Thor once he’s standing by his brother. Thor smiles at them all, raising his hammer, and then they’re off in a blast of multicolored light. And that’s it.

After, the remaining Avengers spend a few minutes talking to each other before they all have to go to their respective places. Barton and Romanoff are leaving together, while Steve is taking his motorcycle, and Bruce is driving with Tony back to the tower.

Just before Tony gets into the car, Steve approaches with his hand held out, and Tony shakes it. “It really was nice to meet you, Tony,” Steve says with a slight smile on his face, letting go. “I know it didn’t start out so well but I’m glad we were able to get past that – for the most part.”

“Me too, Cap,” Tony says. “Feel free to stop by whenever you want, or just, I don’t know, call me if you have a question about the 21st century. I should have programmed my number into your phone.”

“When did you do that?” Steve asks in alarm, pulling out his phone and taking a look at it. He clumsily unlocks it and opens some app.

“Oh, some time. I forgot when exactly,” Tony says airily, waving a hand.

Steve blinks, staring down at the screen. “Well, I guess you did. Thanks?”

“No problem, Cappuccino. See you around,” Tony says, turning and leaping into the car just because he can. Bruce, who had just come around onto the other side, attempts the same and fails, and Tony can’t help but laugh. Bruce just shrugs, but there’s a small smile on his face, which is – it’s good. It’s nice. Tony’s glad to see he’s coming out of his shell a little. 

“See you,” Steve says, nodding at him and Bruce before walking away to his motorcycle.

Tony watches his team for a moment, before starting up the car and taking off. He and Bruce spend the time talking about all the features Tony has in his labs. Soon enough, he’s parking in the garage and taking Bruce up to one of the labs, showing him what he missed the day before.

Bruce takes it all in with bright, curious eyes. “Wow, Tony, this is – this is amazing.”

“Isn’t it?” Tony says, smiling and taking a sip from his coffee. He opens his mouth, about to explain everything Bruce could possibly do, but is cut off.  
  
“Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt, but Mr. Brannigan is waiting for you,” JARVIS announces.  
  
“Oh, shit,” Tony says, “okay, tell him I’ll be right up.”  
  
Bruce frowns. “Mr. Brannigan?”  
  
“My new bodyguard,” Tony explains as he rushes out of the lab. “I’ll be back soon, get started on whatever you want!”

Brannigan’s standing around in the penthouse looking out of place when Tony arrives. His back is ramrod straight, arms held at his sides. To anyone else, he would be exuding confidence, but Tony can tell he’s doing it to appear collected.

“Your JARVIS told me to come in here while I was waiting,” Brannigan explains when he catches sight of Tony. “And Miss Potts spoke to me a few hours after our meeting. She explained everything.” He frowns, and Tony lets out a slight laugh.

“Did she threaten you?”

“She did. It was–” Brannigan tilts his head, thinking. “Never mind. It’s not something I am… I can say.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure I have an idea,” Tony says, drinking his coffee. He nods towards the bar. “Anything you want? Uh, not that you should be drinking on the job, probably, but I do have some non-alcoholic options.”

“No,” Brannigan says simply.

Tony realizes, idly, that he’s never seen him smile. Granted, they’ve really only known each other for one day, but he hasn’t shown  _any_ sort of emotion. But then, that’s common with military types, and Tony would know from his time as a weapons contractor. A lot of them have learned to repress their feelings entirely. It’s probably not very healthy, but when was Tony ever the poster child for proper health of any kind?

“Oh, okay, that’s fine. Well, I can show you around. Uh, sorry for the mess.” Tony gestures around the area. Although the rubble has been cleared up, there’s still holes in the windows that they should probably fix before it rains any time soon, and cracks in the floor where, apparently, Hulk beat the shit out of Loki. “It’ll… it’ll get fixed up in time. But if you want, you can stay here. I have a ton of guest rooms and it would probably make your life easier.”

For the first time, Brannigan looks a little hesitant. “I… will have to talk over that with my… landlord.”

“No problem.” Tony reaches out to clap a hand on Brannigan’s back, then thinks better of it. He doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would appreciate being touched. “So, let me show you around.”

Every room Tony describes, he can see Brannigan glancing out with that calculating gaze of his, most likely cataloguing every single feature there is for the future. He’s a lot like – Romanoff, back when she was his personal assistant. Tony wonders if he has inadvertently hired another secret SHIELD agent.

But then, why would they pull the same trick twice? And for what purpose? Fury would never do that, there’s no way. It’s possible that he’s just another corporate spy – he definitely has that vibe, but honestly, this way Tony can keep a better eye on him than he would have if Brannigan had remained an accountant.

But if he’s just a normal guy who happened to be the right spot, his behavior must just be a result of his military background, which is – understandable. Besides, he has the skills and features to make a good bodyguard, so why should Tony complain? He’ll just keep him an eye on him, because really, he’s not stupid.

The next day, Brannigan comes back to the tower and tells Tony that he cleared everything up with his landlord, so he will be able to move into the tower. Tony simply grins at that and shows Brannigan his new room – maybe he should start calling him Jacob? But then, he doesn’t really seem like a Jacob to Tony, just by looking at him. He’s too… dark and mysterious for a name like that. Whatever, he’ll come up with some sort of nickname eventually.

 

 

 

Since the attack on Tony during clean up, there hasn’t been much going on in his life. No other threats on his life of any kind have occurred – he knows that his mail is sorted through, but he’s asked and apparently the number of average death threats he gets during a week has dropped by thirty-six percent since the battle. It probably won’t last, but it’s nice to hear. It makes Yakov’s (that’s the nickname Tony went with because he’s heard him mumbling something in Russian several times, and it’s the Russian form of Jacob) life easier.

So far, all he’s really done on the job is accompany Tony to various haunts within the city, as well as several charity galas and fundraisers.

Currently, Tony’s attending the newly minted Stark Relief Foundation Charity Dinner. It’s meant to raise money to help victims of the Battle of New York, which Tony does anyway, but really, there’s so many rich people he knows that could better spend their money on this charity rather than on a new yacht or jet or whatever the hell else.

Yakov trails him, sunglasses in place, as he steps around the room schmoozing with anyone and everyone. Pepper is working on one side, and Tony on the other. So far, they’ve managed to raise thirty thousand dollars, but Tony’s goal is five-hundred thousand, possibly more. He knows they can do it.

Tony steps away from Mr. and Mrs. Heathrow for one moment, heading towards the buffet table. Yakov follows him, and Tony grins as he picks up a bacon-wrapped shrimp. “What do you think?”

“Of what?” Yakov asks. With the dark sunglasses, Tony can’t make out what he’s feeling. Not that Tony can usually do it – Yakov is incredibly in control of his emotions, but he can at least get an idea.

“Of the gala. It’s not really your speed, is it?”

Yakov glances around, at the people milling about – dancing, laughing, and drinking. “I’ve… been in more unpleasant places,” he says, and it sounds honest enough. “This is not bad.”  
  
“Mm,” Tony says, biting into the shrimp. “Well, I put up with it for the sake of the charity, but I’m not a huge fan of these events.”  
  
“Really,” Yakov says, sounding uninterested.

Tony decides he should just stop talking right then and there. He should have known his bodyguard would assume the same things as everyone else. Why wouldn’t he? It’s not as though he really knows Tony, and he just saved his life the one time. Any decent person would do that, no matter what they think of Tony.

Yakov must notice that something is wrong with the way he’s clammed up, because he frowns. “What’s wrong? Did someone here say something to you?”

“No,” Tony says quickly. “It’s – fine. Really, it is.”

“Okay,” Yakov says, clearly not believing him. He looks around the room, possibly trying to determine who’s a threat and who’s not. “If you want to leave, we can leave.”

Tony shakes his head. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t. “No, I have to give a speech during the dinner. It’s important.”

“Right,” Yakov says. His mouth twists. “If anyone here at all says something to you, you let me know. I didn’t catch anyone while I was following you, but if there is someone bothering you…”

“No one is bothering me,” Tony bursts out in frustration. He realizes they should probably step away from the canapes, and he urges Yakov to walk with him. “I just – okay, look, you clearly didn’t care about what I was saying, so I just stopped. That’s it. That’s all. No one threatened me.”

There’s a pause. “Oh,” Yakov says. He sounds like… he was caught off-guard. “I wasn’t – I did not mean to sound like that. I was listening to what you said. That you don’t like these things, but you came anyway because you care. It’s a – it’s a good thing, I think.” His words are clumsy, and that fact, more than anything, convinces Tony of his authenticity.

“You think so?” Tony asks. He tries not to sound so desperate, so needy for approval. But he thinks it’s nice to hear that someone else considers it a good thing, because Tony’s  _trying_ , he really is.

“Yes,” Yakov says, brushing a long strand of his hair behind his ear. Tony’s eyes are drawn towards his hands, which have remained gloved since Tony has known him. He gets it, he does. Yakov probably has some scars from his time in the army that he doesn’t want to show. Tony doesn’t like showing off his chest to anyone either. “I do. This is – this is to help people that need it, no? It’s very – different from–” He pauses, brow furrowing. Tony blinks as he completely stops moving, staring straight ahead. Tony turns his head to determine what he’s looking at, but there’s nothing.

Glancing back at him, Tony can see that he’s frozen, eyes blank and wide with – something.

“Yakov? What’s wrong?”

Yakov blinks rapidly at the sound of his voice, and then turns to look at Tony. “Sorry,” he says. “I just – I just realized something.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I can’t tell you,” Yakov says. “You wouldn’t want to know. But…” He huffs and shakes his head. “Never mind.”  
  
Tony tilts his head, the corner of his lips lifting in confusion. “Okay?”

“Just – go back to your – talking,” Yakov urges. “I will be right behind you.”

Tony nods, still confused, but as long as Yakov is okay then he’s fine. He’s going to see if they can talk about this later, though, because there was a moment where Tony thought that he had literally just – broken, or something. It’s concerning, especially if it’ll happen again.

But for now, he goes back to the party, quickly stepping into a conversation with Austin Geller and John Carmichael.

Tony glances back every now and then, checking on Yakov, but he seems fine, simply standing there and waiting for Tony.

The rest of the night goes smoothly. Tony goes up during dinner and delivers an emotional speech that convinces everyone to donate more than they already have, and by the end, they’ve raised over one million. Tony will be sure to add more to the final amount later, but what they’ve earned so far has him over the moon with joy, a huge grin stretching over his face.

“That went great!” he exclaims to Pepper once they’re stepping out of the building, Yakov only a few steps behind.

“It did,” Pepper agrees with a more sedate smile. “You did a great job, Tony, even though you didn’t follow the speech at all.”

Tony shrugs. “I’m better at improvising, and it’s worked pretty well so far.”  
  
Pepper nods. “Fair enough.” She leans forward, grabbing him by the arms and pressing a kiss to his cheek. A cloud of expensive perfume surrounds them, sweet-smelling and yet sharp, like a rose with thorns, and Tony leans into her for a moment. But then – they’re not together anymore, and he quickly tilts back. “I’ll see you, Tony.”  
  
“Bye, Pepper,” Tony says, watching her walk away from the two of them. He loves her so much, and though he’s happy as her friend sometimes he just – wonders. How they would have been if they had worked out after all.

He’s getting maudlin in his older age, isn’t he? He supposes he’s finally getting the urge to settle down. If only twenty-five year-old Tony could see him now.

A gentle tug on his arm snaps him out of his thoughts. “We should leave, too,” Yakov says, nodding at the limo that’s parked waiting for them.

“Oh, right,” Tony says, moving towards it. The driver – not Happy, he moved back to Malibu as head of security after Tony returned from the hospital – opens the door for them, and they slide in.

Most of the drive is silent, before Tony finally decides to bring up what happened. “So, when you blanked out, what was that?” he asks, staring at his phone screen.

There’s a sigh. “I knew you were going to ask again. It’s… really nothing. I just – remembered something, and _that_ made me realize something.”  
  
“Wow,” Tony deadpans, “that tells me everything.”  
  
“What else do you want me to say?” Yakov says, with the slightest bit of heat. It’s the most emotion he’s shown since Tony hired him, and he blinks in surprise. “Sorry. I… can’t tell you, okay? It’s not something I can say.” There’s a pause. “Uh, military stuff. But… talking to you, about what you’re doing. It made me realize some things about myself. Not entirely good.” Tony glances up at that.

Yakov is staring at him, and though seemingly to anyone else his face is as blank as ever, Tony can see a dullness in his eyes. “It’s something I have to deal with on my own, but I – I am grateful to you for helping me realize what I did. You’ve helped me a lot more than you may realize over the past two weeks.”

“You’re… welcome, I guess,” Tony says, though he can’t imagine what he’s done that would help Yakov so much. He’s just been his annoying self. Nothing else.

“Yeah,” Yakov murmurs, and they sit in a comfortable silence for the rest of the ride.

 

 

 

Yakov gets his first real test as Tony’s bodyguard a few days later. They’re in the lobby of Stark Tower, about to leave to some restaurant, when someone shouts, “This is for not saving my wife, Stark!”

Tony doesn’t even have time to register what he said and what it means before he’s abruptly tackled to the ground by Yakov. A second later, there’s a deafening shot, and a bullet speeds past right where Tony’s chest would have been. Screams from the civilians ring out in the lobby.

Tony gasps, staring up at the place where he had seen the bullet. Had he been knocked over even a moment later, he would have died.

Yakov doesn’t hesitate, leaping up from where he was sprawled over Tony and rushing to whoever tried to shoot Tony. Tony pushes himself up onto his elbows, watching as Yakov slams into the guy.

“Come here, Mr. Stark,” one of the security guard urges, holding out a hand. “We need to get you under cover.”

Tony takes it, using the leverage to get up, and follows him to where the civilians are huddled. He would help, but – it looks like Yakov has everything under control, because the shooter is lying on the ground unconscious. “Oh, my god!” he says, running over and ignoring the guard’s shouts. “Are you okay?”

“Are _you_ okay?” Yakov asks, letting Tony check him over for any injuries. “I hit you pretty hard.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t even notice him,” Tony says, watching the security personnel take the guy under custody. “There’s no one else, is there?”

“Sounded like he just wanted revenge because his wife died,” Yakov says. “Probably nothing else.” He grabs Tony’s arm with his right hand, marching him towards the elevator. “Just to be safe, we should stay in the penthouse. The police will take your statement later, if you’re willing.”

“Wait, is everyone else okay?” Tony asks, craning his neck to try and spot any possible injuries.

“They’re all fine,” Yakov says, “don’t worry. The bullet hit the wall.”

“Okay,” Tony breathes, “okay.” He would argue about being treated like a child – just because someone shot at him doesn’t mean anyone else will, but he’s shaken by the sight of seeing Yakov fighting that guy. Even though the tussle only lasted, like, two seconds, Tony’s realizing that Yakov had just put himself in danger because of _him_ – which, yeah, is his job, Tony is just being stupid, but somehow, it’s different to actually experience it.

He doesn’t want Yakov getting hurt because of him, so he’d rather hide out and avoid that happening than take the chance. Of course, he can’t hide forever, but he can sure try, can’t he?

 

 

 

After that one attack in his lobby, Tony becomes a bit of a hermit again. He only speaks to Yakov and Bruce, and Pepper and Rhodey when they come by. People probably think he’s traumatized or something, when really, it’s just that Tony doesn’t want Yakov to get hurt because of him. Maybe he should fire him. It was dumb to get a bodyguard. He wasn’t thinking.

But… Tony is selfish. He likes Yakov. He doesn’t want to let go of him just yet. So he doesn’t.

He’s still working with the government and Damage Control to ensure everyone’s safety after the battle and raising money for charity, but that’s about it. The upper levels of the tower, where Tony stays, are all empty since the Avengers sans Bruce left, and Tony spends most of his time updating his suit. He needs to be prepared for whenever the invaders will return, so the suit needs to be as advanced as possible. He’s thinking of injecting himself with sensors that will be able to call the suit to him whenever and wherever he needs it.

Pepper and Rhodey will probably disapprove of that, but they’re not there, so they can’t say anything. Besides, it’s  _necessary_. Sometimes things happen, and Tony will be caught off guard, and he has to be able to defend himself in _some_ way.

Yakov agrees, at least. He thinks it’s a good idea, and if his bodyguard, the guy who’s supposed to keep him alive, approves, then what’s the problem?

Still, it’s… not as great as he thought in New York. He’d been excited at first, when they decided to expand into the East Coast, but he’s… really not enjoying it that much. He feels sick every time he looks at the sky, like there’s something clogging up his throat and chest until he can’t breathe, and there’s just – there’s nothing to do here. Pepper’s busy setting up the tower, and though Tony helps, she handles most of the business; Rhodey’s off doing missions as War Machine; Happy’s been promoted to the head of security and is back in Malibu. The only people he regularly hangs out with are Bruce and Yakov.

Tony thinks it might be time to head back to Malibu, especially since people are starting to get riled up over the Avengers now that time has passed since the battle. They’ll be safer there since it’s more isolated.

It was always meant to be a temporary stay in New York, but Tony had expected to remain longer. But really, he has no obligations left here. The tower’s up, the parts that were damaged are being repaired, and Pepper is handling the business side of things. There’s nothing left for him to do here in New York, besides stress over the looming threat in the sky. 

Sometimes, he thinks he might have some sort of problem, when he wakes up in a cold sweat after seeing the dark, empty void of space fill his vision, swallowing him up as he tries to scream. He doesn’t pay the thought any attention, though, simply heading down to his lab and tinkering with the suit.

Yakov joins him occasionally, because apparently he doesn’t sleep much either. He doesn’t say a lot during these times, simply sitting down on the couch in the corner and watching Tony as he works. It’s peaceful. He never complains about Tony speaking nonsense to him, and doesn’t judge him for being awake. Sometimes, when he lets his cool exterior defrost the slightest bit, he’ll urge Tony to sleep on the couch while he sits next to him to ensure that nothing can get to him. It’s easier to sleep during those times, but more often than not Tony still finds himself gasping awake after a nightmare.

Yakov is still sitting there during those times, grounding him and letting him calm down. He doesn’t say anything, but his presence is enough to let Tony breathe easier.

Somehow, he’s started to trust Yakov the slightest bit, and he doesn’t know how. Tony knows he shouldn’t trust him that easily. Just because he hired him as his bodyguard doesn’t mean he suddenly trusts the guy with his life (which is – ironic, he knows). Tony expects him to do his job, and do it well, but being vulnerable in front of him? Letting him see him with all his masks down? That’s not something he does with everyone.

It’s… scary that he’s managed to find such a camaraderie with a guy who only speaks when spoken to, and in such a short amount of time. It’s really only been, like, four weeks since the Battle of New York, and even less time since Yakov was hired.

But how can he not? The guy is nothing less than polite, and although he was incredibly stiff and robotic in the beginning he began to defrost as time went on. He talks more now, offers anecdotes, even jokes from time to time. There’s a lot he hasn’t experienced, Tony has noticed, which is probably a product of his being in the military, and so Tony had taken it upon himself to guide Yakov through the small things – introduce him to new foods, movies, hell, even a petting zoo on one memorable occasion.

He looks at everything with amazement and wonder, like it’s truly the first time he’s seen all these things. Tony’s heart aches whenever he notices that expression of guarded curiosity, like Yakov  _wants_ to know more but thinks he can’t, for whatever reason.

But the fact that he’s lacking so much enjoyment in his life makes Tony wonder if he really is who he says. He’s sure that there is more to Yakov’s story than he lets on, there always is with everyone Tony has ever encountered, but so far he hasn’t been able to trace anything.

Either way, although Tony has started to enjoy his company and trust him more, he’s still very well aware that Yakov could betray him at any moment. He’s – learned to expect that. And so he’ll be nice and enjoy the man’s company, but he’ll also be on the lookout for any sign of untrustworthiness. So far, he hasn’t found anything, which is – promising? Kind of?

Tony did look more into him. His file on the military is nothing extraordinary. He saved some lives, did what he was told, and never acted out. He’s a perfectly good guy. His records from his old jobs are the same, though strangely enough all the places he’s worked at have shut down now.

But so far, Yakov seems like a normal person, if a bit strange. It scares him, though. Tony can’t bring himself to trust anyone without a dark side, not when – not when he’s been let down so many times by seemingly innocent people.

Then again, Yakov… does have a bit of darkness to him. He’s clearly damaged. He struggles when speaking, he lacks a bit of social awareness. He says things that are a bit alarming. Sometimes, Tony thinks he’s having flashbacks, but he can never tell for certain because Yakov won’t say anything. There is something more to him, something he’s hiding. Tony suspects undiagnosed PTSD, or some other form of trauma brought on from his time in the army. He just doesn’t know how to address it. Should he make Yakov go to a therapist, or something? Talk it over with him?

Tony’ll figure something out. He’s not just going to  _not_ help someone who clearly needs it.

Either way, Tony decides to move to California, and he invites Yakov to come back with him. Technically, he should have anyway because of his job, but Tony’s socially aware enough to realize that that’s a huge change Yakov may not be prepared for.

It takes Yakov a few days to think about it, but eventually he agrees.

And so, six weeks after the Battle of New York, Tony moves back into his Malibu home with Yakov at his side.

Tony used to not mind the isolation so much when he first built the house. It was perfect to get away from the crowd for a while, let his mind relax and recover from whatever social gathering he’d attended. Now, it’s overbearing. He got too used to the chaos and bustle of New York City, of there always being someone else around, whether or not he knew them. Now, there’s just Yakov.

Still, he tries not to let it bother him. He just needs a break from New York, that’s all (don’t think of it don’t think of it).

They spend even more time together now, since they’re the only ones in the house. They have dinner together everyday – or, well, try to have dinner everyday. Tony still doesn’t eat a lot. For that matter, he doesn’t sleep much, either. He can’t, not when the vast emptiness of space threatens to swallow him up every time he closes his eyes.

When that happens, he’ll either go to the workshop or, when Yakov is also awake, watch a movie with him. As it turns out, he hasn’t seen many movies, and Tony hasn’t had the time to catch up with movies released in the last few years, so they watch anything and everything from Star Trek to Bridesmaids to Green Lantern.

Some are bad, and they pelt popcorn at the screen while laughing at the awful plot or acting or special effects. Others are actually good, and they’re too entranced to do anything but stare at the screen.

It’s nice. Tony’s having fun getting to know this guy – not to mention that he’s fun to look at. The amount of boners Tony’s popped while staring at the man’s bulging muscles or thighs or ass is like he’s suddenly a teen again, but Tony hasn’t acted on it. That would just be – weird. He’s his bodyguard. He only hangs out with Tony because, technically, he’s paid to. It’s not like he could actually  _like_ Tony.

After finishing The Princess Bride, Tony turns to Yakov, who’s still staring at the screen. Looking at him, close up, Tony feels a fluttering in his chest. He gazes at his bright blue eyes, the color of a cloudless sky, his dark hair, his pale skin, and pink lips.

Tony is well aware that Yakov is an attractive man. But there’s something – compelling about his appearance. Like Tony’s seen him before. A few days ago, he realized he looked a lot like one of Tony’s boyfriends. His last boyfriend, actually. They’d started dating not too long after Tony’s parents had died. He was nice, and sweet, and so, so understanding of all of Tony’s quirks and issues. Tony was actually kind of happy then.

So of course, his boyfriend had to disappear. Tony had spent a lot of time searching for him, but he never found him again. It was like – he’d never existed in the first place. It was decades ago, though. Tony’s… over it. He just hopes wherever he ended up, he’s okay.

And Yakov reminds Tony a lot of Alexander, to be honest. Not just by his looks, but his laugh, his sense of humor. His personality is very similar. It’s a bit creepy if Tony thinks too much about it. But of course, there’s no way Yakov could be Alexander.

Alexander had lighter colored hair for one, a honey blonde instead of the deep brown Yakov has. His eyes were brown. The slope of his nose was different, and his cheekbones weren’t as prominent. He’d look a lot older in 2012, obviously. He had a metal arm, which was the most notable thing about him. Tony had always wondered, but Alexander never explained where he got it from.

Yakov doesn’t have a metal arm. Sure, he wears gloves all the time, but it’d be ridiculous to think that he’s wearing them to hide his metal arm. It’s more likely that he wants to hide whatever scars he has on them.

“What are you looking at?” Yakov asks, and Tony is taken out of his thoughts. He didn’t realize he’d been staring at him for so long.

“I was just – thinking. You remind me of someone I used to know.”

“Really? Who?”

Tony shrugs. “One of my boyfriends. This was like, back when I was eighteen, nineteen. You look a lot like him. Act like him, too. But I know you’re not him, obviously. He still looked different enough. And he had a metal arm, which was really – it was cool,” Tony says, not thinking of everything else they got up to with it. 

Yakov frowns, glancing over at the TV screen. “What happened to him?”

“He disappeared. Don’t know where to. I just couldn’t find him one day.”

“I’m sorry,” Yakov says. “That must be awful.”

Tony smiles softly. “Thanks, but I’m mostly over it now. I just don’t know what could have happened to him, because there was no trace of him left.”  
  
“Yeah,” Yakov says slowly, “it’s weird.”  
  
There’s a strange intonation to his voice that Tony can’t quite figure out, something he’s missing. It’s frustrating – being a genius, he should be able to pinpoint it, but it’s avoiding him for the time being.

 

 

 

A lot of Tony’s time is spent in the workshop, with Yakov hanging out because he has nothing else to do. Sometimes he goes out. Tony has no idea what he does during that time but he’s not about to begrudge letting his bodyguard have time to himself.

Tony jumps as he notices Yakov standing there in the doorway to the workshop. “Jesus! Don’t scare me like that,” he says without any heat.

“Sorry,” Yakov says, not sounding sorry in the least. “I’m going to go out. Do you want anything?”

“Go where?” Tony asks. “Actually, never mind, I don’t care what you’re doing as long as it’s not illegal. It’s probably good that you get time to yourself. And if you could uh… pick up a cheeseburger, I guess? Haven’t had a good In-N-Out burger in months.”

“Alright,” Yakov says, and he flashes a quick smile. Tony blinks in surprise, because he realizes he’s never seen Yakov smile before. It’s nice, though. The smile completely transforms his face. His blue eyes light up like the sky in early morning, when the sun is still painting it pinks and reds and oranges, but the upper part is a pale, baby blue. It looks nice on him. Tony hopes he can see that smile again. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Mm. You’d better,” Tony says, turning back to his specs but now focused on the thought of that cheeseburger. “See you.”  
  
There’s no response, but Yakov smiles at him again, and Tony feels his heart rate pick up suddenly. He frowns and glances down at the table in concern. Is there something wrong with the reactor?

Tony heeds it no mind when nothing else concerning happens, and quickly loses himself in his work again, focused on developing a suit that will be capable of long-term underwater travel.

It seems like no time at all that Yakov is returning and dropping a still steaming hot paper bag on his worktable. Tony glances up, and grins brightly. “Hi. Did you get to do whatever you needed to?”

“I did,” Yakov says, sitting down on a nearby stool after pulling out his own burger. DUM-E rolls by, chirping, and Yakov pats him on the strut. “Hey, little guy.”

Tony reaches for the bag and grabs the cheeseburger that’s left along with the package of french fries. “God, this is going to be so good. I love In-N-Out. You ever had it before?”

“No,” Yakov says, still focused on petting DUM-E. He strokes his left hand over the strut over and over, which DUM-E seems to enjoy even though he has no pressure sensors there. “I’ve never – I don’t really remember ever having a burger.”  
  
Tony’s not particularly surprised, knowing that Yakov hasn’t experienced a lot of things. “Is it because you were in the military?” he asks.

“You could say that,” Yakov says. He’s completely avoiding eye contact now, eyes shuttered and guarded. “I’ve said this before, but it’s been – nice knowing you, I guess. Before I was like – I don’t know. Just… some – _thing_ going through the motions of life. Not a human. I didn’t know my favorite color, my favorite food. I could count the number of songs I had heard on one hand. But you’ve introduced me to so much stuff. Not just – banh mi, and Star Trek, or whatever, but – feeling things.” He glances up at Tony from the corner of his eye. “Being  _human_.”

Tony feels a pain in his chest, deep within the sinew and bone and muscle, over how much this man has been deprived. He didn’t know it was possible to grow up so – repressed, and Tony hadn’t seen an actual movie until he was fifteen. Tony wishes he knew what happened to Yakov, who did this to him, so he can fight them, destroy them.

It’s not even the fact that Yakov has gone through life without being really aware of pop culture, Tony could care less about that, but the fact that – yeah, he was basically a robot when Tony first met him. Sure, he had his doubts and hesitation before taking the job, but comparing Yakov now to how he was just a few weeks ago? There’s a huge difference. He smiles. He laughs, he jokes, he speaks more informally, he does things that Tony wouldn’t have expected when he first hired him. Whatever happened to him must have been absolutely abhorrent. Yakov won’t tell him, and Tony won’t pressure him until he’s ready, but he’ll always be waiting to hear the truth.

Somehow, this – man has woven his way into Tony’s heart, and that’s terrifying. That Tony knows next to nothing about his past, and somehow, he still trusts him. He  _knows_ this isn’t going to end well, there’s no way it will because it never does for Tony, but he can’t bring himself to care. Not when he’s sitting there next to Yakov watching as he tries boba tea for the first time, his eyes lighting up in pure surprise and joy.

“I – I–” God, what can he say to that? You’re welcome? That’s so casual, not nearly enough to capture the depth and intensity of what he feels knowing Yakov, knowing that he’s managed to help him in some way. Thank you? For what? Letting Tony feel like he’s useful, that he’s been a positive influence on someone’s life? That’s entirely selfish and narcissistic. Sure, he may have played a part, but he’s not about to make Yakov’s recovery all about  _himself_.

Yakov seemingly senses his confusion, because he just shrugs. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. Just – letting you know what you’ve done for me. I really do appreciate it. Especially because I’ve been – I’ve been having strange dreams and flashbacks. You’ve been able to ground me whenever I have them.”

There’s something to latch onto, instead of acknowledge the gratitude Yakov has for him. And what he just said – that’s extremely concerning. This is the first Tony’s heard of it, although he always suspected. “What? What are you talking about?”  
  
Yakov glances away for a second, before meeting Tony’s eyes with that piercing gaze of his. “I – I keep having strange dreams. Of another person that looks like me, but I don’t – I don’t recall his life at all. He has this – blonde friend, and a family. And sometimes…” His face darkens, a shadow cast over the pale skin. He takes a deep breath, and Tony’s starting to think that maybe he doesn’t want to know at all, but it’s too late, and Yakov is opening his mouth again. “I see him killing people. I don’t know who they are, though. The victims.”

“I…” Tony trails off in horror. His immediate thought is that he doesn’t – he doesn’t think Yakov is capable of killing – but then, he remembers, Yakov was in the army, wasn’t he? That’s the one thing that made Tony hire him as his bodyguard, because he’s had experience with violence and combat and danger. And he is – he does have questionable morals at times. He’s said things that make Tony recoil. He’s more than just some accountant. He’s dark. He has a dark past. He’s – scary at times, as nice as he is. Intense.

And Tony always, always knew, subconsciously, that Yakov was much darker than Tony would believe. He  _did_. He just didn’t want to admit it. He  _knew_ there was something off about Yakov, something he wasn’t telling him. He just didn’t think it would be this bad, whatever it is.

Because he still doesn’t know, not really. Yakov doesn’t know either. And that’s the only thing that’s keeping him here, in this chair, hanging onto the cheeseburger that he’s long since forgotten about. For all he knows, Yakov is just – having bad dreams. Doubts about himself, or something. It doesn’t have to mean anything. And – really, even if they are memories, what does it mean that Yakov barely remembers them himself? It’s entirely possible that he’s changed from the man he was in those memories, so why should Tony judge him on that? He’s the last person who should be judging  _anyone_ based on their past. Only who they are in the present, and who they will be in the future is what matters to him.

Hesitantly, he asks, “D’you… do you know why you’re having these – dreams?”

Yakov shrugs with one arm. “Maybe. My memories are fucked up. But what I do know is, I’m not – I’m not a good person. I’m not who you think. When you first hired me, that didn’t really matter. I just had a job, and that job was to – protect you. I didn’t even realize who I was, but… as I started to spend more time with you, I just – I don’t know. I had an awakening. I want to be more than who I was.” He glances over at Tony, and his eyes are a clear, icy blue, more clear than they have ever been since they’ve met. Tears gather at the rim of his lower eyelid, threatening to spill over. “I want to be with  _you_.”

Tony is quiet. He thinks he knows what Yakov means. But what he said, about his memories and not being a good person and – everything. He wonders who this man is, and how they managed to get tangled up like this. All he had wanted was to hire the guy that saved him, and that was that. But now, here they are, talking about Yakov being a –  _murderer_ , and realizing what he was doing. “What do you mean by. By your memories being fucked up? Do you have… amnesia or something?”  
  
“It’s – hard to explain,” Yakov says. “Kind of? I don’t really remember much before, I don’t know, this year I guess. Some are flashes, and to be honest I have no idea what’s real and what’s not.”  
  
Tony finally takes a bite of his burger. He chews, thinking. Finally, he says, “You never were a mechanic, were you?”  
  
“No,” Yakov says, and there’s a hint of laughter in his voice. “I made that up. Sorry. Please don’t fire me.”  
  
He’s clearly joking, and Tony smiles. He sets down his burger, walking over so that he’s standing right in front of Yakov. He takes his right hand, feeling the skin and bone through the thin glove. Yakov takes his hand back, and cups Tony’s cheek. “I won’t. I swear. Just – let me help you, yeah? We can work through this, whatever it is.”  
  
“Yes,” Yakov says. “I’ll do anything.”

 

 

 

A few months pass by.

Tony’s become accustomed to having Yakov around. Since their talk in the workshop, they’ve become closer. Tony’s more attuned to Yakov’s moods, and is able to help him through whatever flashbacks he has. Part of him wonders if they should get professional help, but then, he’d be a hypocrite, wouldn’t he?

Besides, Yakov is… he’s coping, Tony thinks. He just wishes Yakov would tell him what they’re about. He thinks he’s trying to spare Tony, for whatever reason. Maybe he thinks Tony can’t handle whatever happens in those flashbacks.

Tony thinks of blood and sand, of fire in his chest, the tang of iron in his mouth, and he thinks that he’ll be fine.

But if Yakov doesn’t want to share because he’s uncomfortable, then Tony will respect his wishes. Boundaries are important in recovering from trauma, he’s learned.

It’s a warm September morning that Tony realizes he’s falling in love with Yakov. He’d been sitting there in his workshop, drinking a mug of coffee. Yakov was playing catch with DUM-E and laughing at his tendency to break the ball out of excitement. He had turned his head in just the right way for Tony to get a glimpse of the brightness in his eyes, the joy of his huge grin, and he felt a thumping in his chest. He could hear blood rushing through his ears, and then Tony thought,  _I could get used to seeing this every morning_.

Then he realizes, he _wants_ to see this every morning. He wants to spend every second of every day with Yakov. He wants to kiss him and hug him and hold him. He wants to see the lightness in his eyes, the same color as the sky outside. He wants to – yes, he wants to fuck him also. Make love to him.

He loves him. He loves Yakov.

This is – not good. He can’t be falling in love. Pepper would surely think this is a mistake. Rhodey, too. They would say, “Tony, you can’t fall in love with your traumatized bodyguard. You don’t even know anything about his past. What if he made everything about himself up?”

And then Tony would say, “I don’t care about his past. I only care about his future, and his future with me.”

Because really, that’s all that matters. If he can spend his future with Yakov, getting to know the man he is now, then why should he care about whatever happened in his past? He’s a sweet man, generous and giving and reliable. He never breaks a promise, always making sure to be as kind as possible. He has demons hanging over him like a shadow, threatening to string him up like a marionette and play him, but Yakov is determined to not let them take over anymore.

Yakov has a purpose now. He’s trying so hard. How can Tony not admire that?

If he loves him, and he does, then he’ll accept him for his flaws. And he does.

Now, if only Yakov would return his feelings. He said, all those months ago, he wanted to be with Tony. But that – doesn’t necessarily mean he loves him romantically? He could consider him a friend, best friend, even, but he doesn’t  _have_ to want him like that.

Besides, Yakov is so – he’s so – he’s still recovering. He’s only really just started to express his emotions. Tony doesn’t think he should confuse him by admitting his feelings just yet.

Maybe sometime in the future, but not now. This is enough.

Tony watches with a smile as Yakov searches for the ball that DUM-E just threw somewhere haphazardly. 

“Where did you put it, you tin can?” Yakov mutters, but his tone is fond, a bright sunshine yellow, and softened like the edges of a cloud. DUM-E beeps cheerfully, spinning around before following him.

Tony knows where it is, because he felt a nudge on his foot as it rolled under his desk, but he wants to watch them flounder around a little bit more. It’s cute. He places his chin in his head and gazes at them with lifted eyebrows, a slight quirk in the corner of his lips.

This is more than enough.

 

 

 

Good things don’t last.

How many times has Tony learnt that lesson? And how many times must he be retaught that lesson? Nothing good in his life lasts. It’s always – twisted and broken up and corrupted until nothing of what it once was remains.

It doesn’t start horribly. It starts great, actually. Tony wakes up well-rested for once. He pads into the kitchen and starts up the coffee machine. Yakov comes in a few moments later, and his face lights up upon seeing Tony.

They have breakfast together and chat. Then Yakov goes to work out in the gym while Tony heads to his workshop.

It’s a few hours later, around lunchtime, that JARVIS announces, “Sir, I believe Captain Rogers is at the front gate.”

Tony blinks and lifts his head, feeling his neck crack. He groans and presses a hand against the back of it, trying to relieve the soreness. “Why would Steve be here, J? That’s ridiculous.”

In response, footage of the front gate pops up in front of him. That is indeed Steve Rogers, in a too-tight t-shirt, brown leather jacket, and jeans. A much different outfit from what Tony is used to seeing him in. “Alright. Let him in.”

Tony heads over to the front door and swings it open, seeing Steve standing there waiting for him. “Steve? What’re you doing here?”

Steve smiles bashfully, coming in and ducking his head once Tony moves aside. “I was – in the area. Heard you moved back to Malibu, so I thought I would stop by. I haven’t seen you in a while, after all.”

“Yeah, you definitely haven’t,” Tony murmurs, mostly to himself. “Well, alright. Follow me, and I can show you around. Not the whole place, it’s a little big and I’m sure you have better things to do than get a tour of a giant mansion.”

“I don’t mind,” Steve says.

“I’m sure you don’t,” Tony says, rolling his eyes. He waves his hand, looking over his shoulder. “Come on.”

They find themselves in the kitchen after it all. Steve’s hungry, and it’s lunchtime, anyway, so Tony pulls out a few leftovers he has. Neither him nor Yakov are that great at cooking, and as it turns out, Steve isn’t either.

“JARVIS, call Yakov, would you?” Tony asks as the food is heating up.

“Yakov?” Steve asks from behind him.

“My bodyguard.”

“Oh,” Steve says. “Do you live together?”  
  
Tony frowns, feeling his cheeks heat up. He crosses his arms over his chest defensively, although it’s a perfectly legitimate question. He just – doesn’t like the insinuation, or perhaps he doesn’t like that the insinuation isn’t true despite him wanting it to be. “So what if we do?” he snaps.

“Nothing wrong with it,” Steve says calmly, which is strange. He’s never really been a calm person. “I was just curious.”

“Do we have someone over, Tony?” comes the voice from the hallway.  
  
Steve stiffens. “Tony–”  
  
“Yeah, we do. Captain America. You don’t mind, do you?” Tony frowns and glances over at Steve, who’s incredibly pale, eyes wide. His mouth is parted slightly as he stares at Yakov, who’s standing in the doorway.

“Bucky?” he asks disbelievingly.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Yakov asks.

“What do you mean, ‘who the hell is Bucky?” Steve says. His voice is low. Controlled. “Don’t you know – why are you – how are you  _alive_?” He takes a step forward, then shakes his head. “No, there’s no way – I saw you – I saw you die.”

“Steve, what the hell are you talking about–” Tony starts.

Yakov cuts him off. “I don’t – I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m sorry, but I’m not this Bucky guy.”

Steve stares at Yakov, breathing heavily. He’s silent, and Tony wonders what he’s thinking. Then he whirls around to gaze accusingly at Tony. “What the fuck is this, Stark? Why is – is this some kind of sick joke?”

“Is  _what_ some kind of sick joke?” Tony asks in confusion. This is all going very wrong, very fast. He didn’t miss Steve’s switch to his last name. “What do you mean by Bucky?”

Steve points at Yakov accusingly. “That is Bucky! Or, at least, it’s someone that looks like Bucky, or some kind of robot you built. I don’t know. But what are you trying to do? Make fun of me? Mock me?”

“Why in the fresh hell would I do that?” Tony cries. “That’s not Bucky! That’s Yakov, well, Jacob Brannigan, he’s my bodyguard, I hired him after he saved my life.”

Steve scoffs. “Oh, sure, and he just happens to look like my dead best friend.” His eyes are shiny with unshed tears, and Tony’s mouth forms an ‘O.’

He turns to look over at Yakov, who’s still standing there. His gaze is unwaveringly fixed on Steve, and now that Tony thinks about it, yeah, he does look a lot like Bucky Barnes, from what he remembers. Except Bucky Barnes hadn’t had such long hair, or stubble, but– “Oh, god,” Tony whispers. “Who the fuck are you?”

Yakov – or Bucky, Tony doesn’t even know anymore – steps forward, still staring at Steve. “I know you,” he says, “I see you in my dreams. I didn’t think you were real.”  
  
Whatever had been holding back Steve’s tears breaks, because they begin to stream down his face. “I am, Buck. Is it really you?”  
  
Yakov’s face twists. “I don’t know who that is. I’m Yakov. I’m Tony’s bodyguard, and his friend.”

“Is this what you’ve been hiding?” Tony demands suddenly. “I knew there was something you’re not telling me. Is this it? That you’re actually, I don’t know, a hundred year-old man who’s somehow still alive?”  
  
Yakov shakes his head. “I swear, I have no idea what you’re talking about. This – Bucky, even if I am him, I don’t remember him.”  
  
“Your name is James Buchanan Barnes,” Steve whispers. “We were best friends. We _are_ best friends.”  
  
“I–” Yakov’s eyes are wild, confused, scared. He looks trapped, like an animal. Suddenly, he rips off his gloves, followed by his sweatshirt. Underneath, he only has on a black tank top, revealing his – oh, god, his metal arm. The same one Alexander had. The exact same one, with its silvery grooves and red star on the shoulder.

Tony steps backwards, straight into Steve’s chest. Steve places a steadying hand on his shoulder. “Who are you? What the hell is this? Why do you – why do you have _his_ arm?” He’s breathing heavily, he realizes.

“I… I can’t say for certain, but I’m not. I’m not who either of you think I am,” Yakov – no, Bucky, no, Alexander? – says. “I… I’m an asset for HYDRA. I didn’t – Tony, I swear I was going to tell you, but. I didn’t think it would come out like this.”

Steve says in pure disbelief. “Buck, HYDRA’s gone.”

Yakov shakes his head. “They’re in the shadows, but they’re still there. Cut off one head, another takes its place.”

Tony feels sick. He’s been harboring a Nazi or whatever in his home for  _months_. Because he was too stupid to listen to all the red flags and warnings he’d been getting. Why is he – he never listens to other people. This is why everything always, always goes wrong. Because he can’t take other people’s suggestions seriously. “What do you mean by asset for HYDRA?” he whispers. His voice is small, quavery. He can barely comprehend what Yakov is saying, mind on the verge of panic, because of course he’d be betrayed like this.

He knew Yakov was hiding something dark, he just didn’t think – he didn’t think – it would be this.

“Bucky–” Steve starts.

“I do what they want,” he says, shrugging with his metal arm. “I kill people. I assassinate them. I do espionage. Whatever my mission parameters are.”

Tony takes in a deep breath. Behind him, Steve is completely still. Struck silent by what he’s hearing, Tony has no idea. “What were your mission parameters with me? That’s why you stayed, isn’t it? To – to kill me, or something.”

There’s no emotion in his voice when he says, “No, not kill you. My mission was to assess whether you could be used for HYDRA or to eliminate you as a threat. It used to be Stane’s job, but when he–”

Tony runs.

 

 

 

“Lockdown, JARVIS!” Tony shouts as he speeds into the workshop, throwing off his shoes and sprawling out over the couch. “Full blackout. No one gets in or out of this workshop. Get–” His lip curls as he thinks about him, “Bucky, or whatever the hell his name is, out of here. Steve, too. I don’t want them around.”  
  
“Sir–”  
  
“Just do it, JARVIS,” Tony snaps. “I don’t give a shit about them.” His face is hot, and he’s breathing heavily. He thinks he might be on the verge of a panic attack. He thinks a lot of things.

God, he’s such an idiot. He  _knew_ there was something off about Yakov. He’d known since the beginning. He’d even told himself that he’d keep him around, but he wouldn’t trust him. Why is he so stupid? He can’t even do that right. Instead, he had to go and fall in love with a fucking _Nazi_.

The thing is, Tony should have known. Yakov outright told him he was a murderer all those months ago, and though Tony acknowledged it, he just kind of… ignored that fact because neither of them knew what was going on for certain. He assumed that, he doesn’t know, Yakov meant he killed people while he was in the army, because that shit happens. It’s part of the job. Tony is well aware seeing as how he himself has killed people.

Hell, Yakov didn’t know himself. He always said that they were dreams, but that he had no idea what was real and what was not. Except, as it turns out, Yakov – no, Bucky, that’s who he is. Bucky Barnes. Did he fake everything? Did he know the entire time that he was really, truly a murderer? Did he have all his memories? Was he planning on killing Tony?

No, wait, Barnes had been planning on telling Tony. He didn’t miss him saying that. When, though? Tomorrow? In a week? Next year? When they were both old and gray?

Tony scoffs. Old and gray. If Barnes has lived this long and still looks the same as when he ‘died,’ chances are he won’t be turning gray for a while. God, what a joke. He’s fallen in love with Bucky Barnes, who apparently is a HYDRA agent. Why the hell – what the actual fuck is his life? Bucky Barnes, a war hero, a martyr. How could he be a HYDRA agent?

He said he  _killed_ people. He committed crimes for a Nazi organization. There’s no getting around that. And, apparently, the Nazi organization is still around, instead of drowning in the ice seventy years ago.

Tony heads toward his alcohol cabinet, grabbing the first bottle of whiskey he sees. He doesn’t even hesitate to take a large swig, feeling it burn as it slides down his throat. It doesn’t hurt, though. Nothing can compare to the pain he holds in his chest. “JARVIS, search for HYDRA’s database. There’s got to be something, wherever it is. Deep Web, probably. Find me all the information you can. I’m going to burn them to the ground.”

“Sir, perhaps you should–”  
  
“Shut the fuck up and listen to me for once in your life,” Tony outright snarls, because he’s done, he’s sick of people doubting him and treating him like a child who’s incapable of making his own decisions. He’s sick of them always thinking that he’s doing the wrong thing, always casting doubt into his choices. He’s sick of it because he doesn’t want to admit they’re right.

He takes another drink, half the bottle’s contents spilling down his chin and all over his body, onto the floor. When it’s empty, he drops it carelessly, and it smashes against the ground. He ignores the shards everywhere, and grabs another bottle.

Everything after is a blur.

Tony comes back to himself with pools of alcohol and glass shards surrounding him. The stench of the whiskey and the scotch and god knows what else he drank is overpowering. Somehow, the mess around him is a perfect metaphor for how he feels right now. Wow, he should be a poet. He’s a master with words.

His vision is blurry, and when he tries to stand, he falls over. He thinks he cuts himself a few times, because there’s smears of red on the floor, but he can’t feel anything. Everything is numb.

“Sir, perhaps you should move to a safer location.”

“‘M fine, J,” Tony mumbles. He’s finally standing, he thinks. Everything looks sideways so he can’t really tell. He squints his eyes, trying to figure out where he is, but it does nothing except make his eyes water, so now he can’t see at all. He takes a shaky step forward, and then another.

“I have located the database but I don’t believe you are in the right condition for me to tell you anything.”

Database? What is JARVIS talking about? Tony keeps stepping forward gingerly, careful to not fall over and fail in his mission, because this  _is_ his mission. He doesn’t know where he’s going but he knows it’s important that he keep walking.

Suddenly, his knees hit an object and he falls onto his face. It would be painful, except whatever he landed on is soft, plush. Tony sighs and rubs his cheek against the softness. It feels nice after the hardened edges of the alcohol bottles and the floor. He wishes he could envelop himself in the softness, cling onto it because he thinks he’s falling, and he doesn’t know when and how he’ll land, if ever.

 

 

 

Tony wakes up, and his head is pounding like he’d been beaten with concrete all over again. “Ugh,” he says, trying not to vomit. His mouth tastes like a fish died in it.

“Good afternoon, Sir, though I don’t particularly believe it’s good for you.”

“Shut up, JARVIS,” Tony says, because his voice is loud, too loud, and currently all of Tony’s brain power is focused on not projectile vomiting. What the hell did he do last night? _Was_ it even last night?

He realizes he’s partially slumped over on the couch, with his knees on the floor. Fuck, that’s going to hurt like a bitch once he finally decides to move. Maybe he could just… not move. He could lie here forever and just die of starvation and dehydration because no one will come to check on him.

Fuck, that’s right. No one will come to check on him, because Yakov is – Barnes. And god knows where Steve is or what he’s doing.

So, clearly he had a breakdown last night and decided to drink himself into a stupor, which is not surprising. It was a long time coming. Tony hadn’t had one of those ragers since his fortieth birthday party, the one where he was dying, so it was about time he had another mental breakdown.

He curses himself from yesterday, because clearly he had no regard for future Tony. He’s still lying down on the couch in this dumb position. His head is spinning like the Cyclone on Coney Island, and it’s taking everything he has to not vomit.

Tony starts with moving his hand, which – oh, fuck, he’s such an idiot when drunk. When Tony invents time travel, the first thing he’s doing is traveling back in time and smacking his drunk self in the face. His hand is covered in half-scabbed cuts, some of which still have glass shards poking out. Now that he thinks about it, beyond the jackhammer going off in his brain right now, he can feel sharp pin pricks of pain dotted throughout his arms. Probably his legs, too, if he could feel them right now. Ugh. He’s going to have to pull out all the glass still stuck in him, and probably rip up the scabs that have formed.

Slowly, he pushes himself up with his arms, groaning at how much his back and head protest. It’s been a long time since he’s really gotten drunk like this, so apparently all the tolerance he’d built up over the years has been shot to shit. “Is there water,” he mumbles.

There’s no response, but in a few moments DUM-E comes by as gently as possible with a water bottle held in his claw.

Tony takes it and quickly drains it in a few gulps. Now that his mouth isn’t as dry, he can focus better. His head is clearing, slightly, though it still hurts like hell. He manages to turn himself around, despite the severe ache in his back. His legs have gone completely numb. It’s preferable to the roiling pain they would be in otherwise, though.

Now that he’s facing the workshop, he can see what a mess he created. There’s several puddles of alcohol dotting the floor, along with endless glass shards. There’s also bloody footsteps leading towards where he’s sitting, so that answers his question of whether his legs and feet were bleeding, too.

His shirt smells awful, but hey, at least he didn’t throw up while drunk. Or maybe he did, now that he thinks about it. At least one of those puddles looks like it has food in it.

Instead of dealing with all that, Tony says, “What happened with HYDRA? Did you find anything, J?”

JARVIS’ volume seems lower as he says, “I did, though I didn’t tell you anything since you were… indisposed. I don’t believe you’ll like what I discovered, however.”  
  
Tony thinks about Barnes, and shrugs. What could be worse than that? “Lay it on me.”  
  
“It did not take me long to locate HYDRA’s database, because once I found one file on the Deep Web I was able to trace its location to SHIELD.”  
  
“What,” Tony says, because he’s hungover and still not working at full capacity.

“I believe that SHIELD is HYDRA, Sir.”

Okay, it got worse. A lot worse. Dammit. Tony should have just cleaned himself up and pretended he forgot about asking JARVIS to search for information on HYDRA.

“Like, all of it, or just some parts…?”

“From what I can gather, Nick Fury is not part of it. However, people like Alexander Pierce are. Many of the higher-up government officials are part of the coverup, such as Senator Stern.”  
  
Senator Stern. His name sounds familiar– “Oh, the assclown!” Tony shouts, and then winces at his own volume.

JARVIS ignores his outburst. “I found more information, Sir. I haven’t been able to go through all of it yet, as it’s a lot of information, even for me, but Yakov is indeed Bucky Barnes, or the Winter Soldier. I specifically searched for any records related to you. This is what I found.”

Several files pop up in front of Tony’s face. He squints, attempting to read them, but gives up because his vision is still too blurry and the tiny text hurts his eyes. “Fuck, I can’t do this. Just summarize what they’re about, J.”

All but one of them disappear. “This one is about Obadiah Stane. He was a HYDRA agent, and one of his jobs was to keep you in check so that he could use you and your genius for HYDRA’s gain.” Tony feels sick, and it has nothing to do with the hangover. “They started to suspect that he was losing objectivity in his job, however, because he started to focus on gaining power for himself with the company.”

Tony is honestly not surprised, but even now, years later, it still stings to hear that Obie –  _Stane_ – seemingly never gave a shit about him. To think that his godfather, one of the few adults in his life that actually treated him with respect and affection, was secretly a power-hungry Nazi.

Seems there’s a pattern involving the people in his life.

“What’d they do?” he asks hesitantly, wondering if it’s worth even hearing all this when he’s already down.

“They didn’t have any proof – well, not until he hired the Ten Rings to murder you. But occasionally they would send the Winter Soldier to ensure that Stane was doing his job properly and that his assessment of you was accurate. One of those times, I believe, was when you were nineteen.”

 _Nineteen_. Fuck. Then it’s true – Barnes was Alexander. He’d used him back then, and he used him now.

Tony just doesn’t understand. Why would he – had everything been fake to him? Had he truly been using Tony without any sort of remorse? Had he faked all his guilt, his distress over whatever happened in his past?

When Tony opened up to him about Alexander, had he known the entire time? Had he been secretly laughing? He just – he no longer knows what’s real and not, and it’s not as though he can exactly go out and ask him. “The others?”

JARVIS shows another screen. “This file is more recent. I believe it’s a collection of his reports from now.”  
  
Does Tony want to read that? Does he want to know what shit Barnes said about him behind his back? “Read me the most important parts.”

JARVIS dutifully does so, though Tony can sense hesitance in his tone. “According to the Asset, Stark is naive, trusting, and easily manipulated–”

“Okay, you know what, never mind, it’s fine,” Tony says, feeling tears prick at his eyes at the truth of that statement. Dammit. He starts to wipe his face, before he remembers the glass in his hands, and lowers them. He wants to – to, he doesn’t know, hit someone, maybe. Preferably Barnes. “Wait, JARVIS, where did they go? Barnes and Steve, I mean.” 

“You explicitly said you wanted them out of the house, although they had already left by that point. Sergeant Barnes ran out almost immediately after you did, and Captain Rogers followed. I’m not entirely sure where they are currently since I have not been tracking them.”  
  
Tony is such an idiot. He really just – got too wrapped up in his own problems and feelings to think about the fact that, what, he just let an assassin loose? “Fuck it, call Steve.” Hopefully, he’ll be fine. Hopefully, he won’t be pissed at Tony. He doesn’t have the mental energy to deal with that right now. “And pull up all the files you think are relevant right now.”  
  
About twenty files pop up, and JARVIS says, “Calling.”  
  
Steve doesn’t hesitate to pick up. “Tony,” he says, “are you okay?” Oh, thank god. He doesn’t sound too angry.  
  
“I’m… as good as I can be, given the circumstances.” At that moment, his head pulses particularly badly. “Where are you?”  
  
“I – I left to chase Bucky, because he just ran out. I can’t find him, though. Tony, I know he hurt you, but if he really is – _that_ , then we need to locate him. There’s no telling what he’ll do.” Tony idly wonders if there aren’t more selfish reasons he wants to find him. Steve had seemed pretty upset at what was going on, and it’s unlikely that he would want to let go of a link to his past that easily. Regardless of that, he has a point. Barnes is – a concern.  
  
“Yeah, probably, but we have bigger problems, Cap. JARVIS is telling me that SHIELD is HYDRA, and looking at their files, I can’t exactly deny the evidence.”  
  
There’s silence. “What?” Steve says.

“SHIELD is HYDRA,” Tony repeats, unsure of what exactly is going on in his life right now. It’s basically a dumpster fire, but he’s used to it. “See, yesterday I asked JARVIS to locate HYDRA’s database to find all the information there was on – Barnes. He did find that, but in SHIELD’s database. And – god, I’m looking at all the people involved,” he says, flipping through the files and scanning through them as fast as he can. It’s not as fast as he could do when he’s not hungover, but it’s still faster than the average person. “There’s guys like Alexander Pierce and the World Security Council. The STRIKE team. God knows who else. But from what I’m seeing, Fury has no idea about all of this. They make that pretty clear at times.”

“Fuck,” Steve whispers. “Every time I blink, it seems like something new is going on.”  
  
Tony lets out a bitter laugh. “You get used to it, Cap. So, what are we going to do about this?”  
  
“Why are you asking me?”  
  
“You’re the leader,” Tony says, shrugging, although Steve can’t see him.

“Right,” Steve says. “Yeah, I am. We’re going to have to assemble. Send an alert to the team.”

Tony waves a hand lazily, letting JARVIS know he should get on that. “I’m also going to track Barnes. Should probably keep an eye on him.”

“Good idea,” Steve says, and Tony ignores the rush of pride he feels at that. Captain America thought he had a good idea. “Tony, are we… are we certain that Bucky – sorry,  _Barnes_ might not be… what we think?”

Tony is not drunk enough for this conversation. He eyes the trashed, open cabinet of alcohol. “What do you mean?”  
  
“He sounded pretty upset,” Steve says as gently as possible. “I’m thinking that we don’t have the whole story. I mean, I’ve grown up with Bucky my entire life. I just don’t believe that – he could be like _that_ . There’s more to the story.”  
  
Tony glances at a frayed thread on his shirt, picking at it. “Maybe, maybe not. We just don’t know, Cap. He’s an assassin or whatever. They’re supposed to be good at faking.”  
  
Steve sighs. “I don’t believe that. Bucky would never do that.”  
  
“Alright then, fine. Go find him and do whatever the hell you want with him. Kumbaya, making out, I don’t care. Just don’t involve me in it,” Tony says, unable to muster up any emotion in his voice. He’s tired, his head hurts, and he still has tiny pieces of glass stuck all over his body. The last thing he wants to discuss right now is his ex-bodyguard who he might or might not have had feelings for.

“Tony, are you sure you’re alright?”

Tony takes a deep breath. “Fuck off, Cap.”

“...Bye, Tony.” The phone line shuts off before Tony is able to say anything – not that he really wanted to.

He’s still hungover, he has a job to do, SHIELD is HYDRA, but he’s thinking that bottle of scotch isn’t looking too damn bad right about now. Tony lets out a grunt as he pushes himself up, grabbing onto the couch for balance. His legs are shaky, and start hurting almost as soon as he puts weight on them. His feet are stinging from the cuts, and Tony lets out a curse as he feels the glass cut deeper into his soles. Oh, right. He should probably – he should probably clean himself up. He’s really not looking forward to that.

Tony stumbles over to where he keeps the first aid kit, grabbing it and heading back over to the couch unsteadily. There are black spots in his vision, and he  _really_ misses his tolerance for alcohol right about now.

He manages to get most of the glass out. He’s certain there are still some spots he missed, but at least he’s not looking like a hedgehog anymore.

Now that he’s gotten that out of the way, he thinks it’s a prime time to get drunk again. It’s only – Tony quickly checks the time – one PM.

“Sir, Agent Romanoff is calling you.”

For fuck’s sake. “Pick up, J,” Tony says, resigned to his fate.

“Stark, what’s this about assembling? I got an alert from JARVIS.”

Tony presses a hand against his forehead. He’s starting to feel sick again. Maybe he should skip the drink and just pass out. “I… well, some things happened, JARVIS looked into SHIELD files, and it turns out you’ve been working for a Nazi organization.” Maybe not the best way to reveal it, but he knows Romanoff enough to know that she doesn’t appreciate when things are sugar coated.

“I see,” Romanoff says. Her voice betrays no emotion, what she could possibly be thinking. “And by Nazi organization you mean…”

“HYDRA. SHIELD’s been infiltrated by HYDRA. For years, if what I’ve read is correct.”

“Okay,” she says simply. Tony is in awe at her ability to hide what she’s thinking. Sure, he’s great at acting and putting up a mask, too, but he’s still too emotional and there’s always the risk of him destroying whatever persona he’s trying to create. “I’ll be at the tower soon. Who else have you contacted?”

“Everyone except Thor, I think,” Tony says, because he knows he has everyone’s contact besides Thor, who doesn’t have a phone. “Wait. The tower? As in, Stark Tower?”

“Yes, the tower you specifically told us we could go to whenever there was an emergency.”

He did say that, didn’t he? Tony really hates his past self right now. The last thing he wants is to go back to  _New York_. But he knows himself, and he knows he’s going to do it. The shit he does for the Avengers. “Right,” Tony says, pretending he didn’t just ask something really dumb. “I’ll – fly there as soon as possible.”  
  
“You’d better not keep us waiting,” Romanoff says, and then hangs up.

Tony looks longingly at the cabinet, but then decides he should actually try and be a hero. Look at him, being responsible for once. Maybe he is learning.

Tony’s about to suit up before he realizes that he looks and smells awful, and quickly hops into the emergency shower he has in his workshop. It’s still a disaster, but the poor bots can handle that. He sighs. He’s trying to be better, but everyone else still has to clean up after his messes. Why can’t he learn?

But then, there’s no time to dwell on that right now. He has a job to do.

He quickly freshens up enough that he doesn’t feel like a zombie, and in about ten minutes is off to the tower in his suit. The shower helped his aches and pains some, but he still feels a rush of nausea as he heads off. The medicine he took hasn’t kicked in yet, so until then he supposes he’ll suffer.

With the suit, it only takes about four hours to fly across the country, thankfully not vomiting along the way, and soon he’s touching down on the landing pad of the tower. It’s completely cleaned up from the battle, which is – nice.

Tony resolutely does not glance up at the sky, and rushes inside before he starts having unwanted thoughts.

During the flight both Bruce and Barton had responded to his alert. Bruce is, apparently, halfway across the world doing some volunteer work, while Barton is – god knows where. Both of them are coming over as soon as possible, though.

While waiting for the Avengers to arrive, Tony figures he should go through more of the database and collect more information. JARVIS is very good at what he does, so it’s highly unlikely that SHIELDRA has caught onto the fact that they’ve been hacked, which is good. That’s one thing in his life that isn’t going wrong so far.

Maybe he should go through the rest of Barnes’ file. What Steve said got him thinking. It’s true that – from every single story he’d heard from his dad, Aunt Peggy, literally any adult in his life, Barnes had been a hero. A martyr. He willingly gave his life to fight HYDRA.

What he said about being an assassin and whatever, it just doesn’t add up. Unless he was always a HYDRA agent, even as he was Steve’s best friend. But that’s too awful to think about.

Now that he’s not immediately responding to the betrayal, he can think a bit more objectively about this. Every single time he talked to Barnes about his past, before – all this, he had always expressed the fact that he didn’t think he was a good person. He’d always implied he’d done things he wasn’t proud of. Hell, he literally told Tony there was a chance he’d killed people.

So, it was possible he’d been… feeling guilt for operating as a HYDRA agent for so long – why was he so young, anyway? He looks Steve’s age, but if he’d been hiding for so long – seventy years – then it’s literally impossible for him to be so young and fit.

Tony feels even more like an idiot thinking that. It should not have taken him so long to realize that Barnes’ appearance and age do not match up, as distracted as he was. The only possible explanation he has is that he has some form of the supersoldier serum, and that drastically slows down his aging. Still, Tony would estimate that it shouldn’t make it look like he’s still in his thirties. That’s a ridiculously huge gap.

He sighs. Time to look through Barnes’ file. “JARVIS, pull up everything on Barnes. I want to do some homework.”

A screen pops up at his desk, the first file being a condensed report on Barnes. Tony takes a look at it, confirming that it is indeed James Buchanan Barnes and that he was born in 1917. “Absolutely fucking ridiculous,” Tony mutters to himself. Ten, no, even five years ago, he would not have believed the shit happening in his life right now.

Tony frowns as he reads on. There are several of his missions scattered throughout, though JARVIS seemingly hasn’t put it in chronological order yet. “Scan through and pull out any of his missions. I want to know specifically about how he got involved. And put what’s left in chronological order.”

There’s a pause, and then JARVIS says, “Done.”

“Thank you.” Tony flicks through the dossier, which is significantly shorter now that it doesn’t have seventy years’ worth of assassinations and missions. He’ll go through those eventually, but right now he’s focused on Barnes.

The first report, taking place in 1943, is of Barnes while he was taken and experimented on. Tony gets a furrow between his brow as he scans through it. It describes, in vivid detail, HYDRA injecting him with a serum that was a knockoff of the supersoldier serum. Well, he was right about that, but the report does also make it clear that Barnes was not a willing participant to this. Tony is starting to get a bad feeling, but he continues reading.

Next is in 1944, right after Barnes falls from the train. That was when he lost his arm, apparently, and oh, god. They really just – attached the arm like that. Forced it onto him while he was unconscious, uncaring of the pain he would be in. Tony doesn’t notice he’s pressing his hand against the arc reactor.

Okay, it’s clear that Barnes was not willing. Tony can get that just by reading all the shit HYDRA did to him. There is no way in hell he consented to this.

The reports only get worse after that. Tony genuinely wants to throw up and pretend he never saw any of this crap. The inhumanity of it all. How can people do this shit? How are they so twisted, so messed up in the head that they think this is an okay thing to do?

Tony cannot, in good conscience, continue believing Barnes was a willing participant in HYDRA. Oh, don’t get him wrong, he’s still angry as hell for not bothering him to tell him this shit. He gets _why_ Barnes didn’t tell him, and he’s not going to blame him for what he did under their command, but that doesn’t erase the fact that he specifically started working for Tony to take advantage of him. It doesn’t erase the fact that – instead of just assessing him secretly, he decided, for whatever reason, to seduce him and become his boyfriend and then just – abandon him when his work was done.

Is he being too harsh? Barnes was, after all, brainwashed. It isn’t as though he exactly had a choice in all this. He was just following orders.

Maybe Tony shouldn’t feel so hurt, knowing what he knows, but his heart still stings thinking about all the months they’ve spent together, and he doesn’t even know if it was real or not. Barnes sure acted like it was, but maybe the HYDRA programming never truly went away. Maybe he just – acted that way to deflect suspicion.

Tony doesn’t even know how to feel anymore. He’s torn between being hurt by Barnes, and hurting  _for_ Barnes.

He won’t know for certain until he talks to him, and Tony doesn’t think he can do that. Not right now, at least. “J, you get all that? The – electrocution, the brainwashing?”

“Unfortunately I did, Sir.” There is clear disgust in his tone, and Tony has to take a moment to be so, so proud of JARVIS. He is proof that artificial intelligence can have morals, empathize – in fact, he has better morals than most of humanity.

“Right, well, tell Cap that – no wait, don’t,” Tony says, realizing it would be a huge mistake to spring this on Steve when he’s already emotionally compromised. It would just be – cruel to tell him over the phone or something. When he tells him, it’ll be in the tower where he has more control over what happens. “Never mind that. What’s his ETA?”

“It will take him about three more hours until he arrives. Agent Romanoff, I believe, should be arriving soon, as she was in DC when she got the alert. Doctor Banner and Agent Barton, however, still have a bit of time to go.”

Tony sighs. “That’s fine, that’s fine. Just more reading for me. Yay.” He waves his hand, getting rid of those damned files, and pulls up several on other HYDRA members. As JARVIS said, Alexander Pierce is in here, and so are other high-ranking government officials. Figures.

There’s a file on Fury, too, and it states that he’s simply a potential threat that can be contained as long as he’s controlled by the World Security Council, so at least Tony knows that he’s not entirely evil. Jury’s still out on that one.

Actually, what does HYDRA say on them? Surely there’s files on Earth’s mightiest heroes. He scans through, searching for his file. Hopefully it classifies him as a major threat.

He spends the rest of his time until Romanoff arrives reading through as much information as he can that could damn HYDRA and confirm to the world what’s been going on. “JARVIS, you’re still monitoring the database, right?”

“Affirmative. They still haven’t caught on to me, although I do believe that they have a particularly adept AI in their systems.”  
  
“Attaboy.” Tony frowns, though, wondering who in the agency managed to create an AI that impresses even JARVIS.

“Also, Sir, I believe Agent Romanoff has arrived and is currently taking the elevator to your penthouse.”

“Great,” Tony says. He glances up when the elevator dings, revealing Romanoff, whose hair has gotten longer and straighter, falling down in two red sheets. “Before my birthday party, what did you tell me?”

Romanoff doesn’t even hesitate. “That I would celebrate my birthday doing whatever I wanted to do with whoever I wanted to spend it with.”

“Okay, good,” Tony says. “Just checking that it’s really you.”

“Smart,” Romanoff comments, crossing the room and heading to his side. She frowns, crossing her arms and glancing at the holograms. “So, this is what tipped you guys off.”

“Yeah, they have a whole lot of shit going on. Project Insight sounds like they’re trying to take over the world using their helicarriers. And to think I was going to offer to improve them,” Tony says, frowning.

“Do they know you’ve hacked them?”

“Not at all. JARVIS is too good to get caught like that.”

Romanoff raises an eyebrow, but she doesn’t say anything to disapprove of that notion. “Well, we have to expose them. What do you have on them?”

“JARVIS is in their systems right now, he’s processing everything. What you see in front of you is barely a thousandth of what he’s discovered. But – if we want to expose them, we’ll have to be careful about it. Don’t want to compromise actual SHIELD going ons.”  
  
“Of course.” Romanoff leans forward, glancing at the files. “If they have other bases, we’ll have to shut those down.”  
  
“Avengers assemble,” Tony murmurs, smiling.

“Yup,” Romanoff says, popping the ‘p.’ “When are the others getting here?”

“Soon.” Tony pauses, holding up a hand. “JARVIS, how are you doing with Barnes?”  
  
“I believe I have sighted him on several CCTV cameras, the most recent being in New Mexico three hours ago.”  
  
“Man works fast,” Tony mutters. “Alright. Keep an eye on him. I’m going to have to track him down once this shit is done and over with.”  
  
“Barnes?” Romanoff says.

“HYDRA’s brainwashed attack dog, apparently. The Winter Soldier. And yes, he is Bucky Barnes.”

Romanoff doesn’t sound particularly surprised. Not that she ever does, but Tony can tell she’s not just hiding her shock this time. She already had an idea of who he was. “Hmm. What does he have to do with you?”

“He was my bodyguard.” Tony turns and heads over to the bar. He could use a drink. “You want something?” 

“Might as well,” Romanoff says. Tony glances over his shoulder to see that she’s following him. “How did you manage to hire the Winter Soldier as your bodyguard?”

Tony shrugs. “He had a mission to, I don’t know, follow me around or something, so he saved my life, and I hired him. Not that I knew who he was at the time. Don’t bother calling me an idiot. I’ve heard it all.” He hasn’t, not yet, but he will, so close enough.

“I wasn’t going to,” Romanoff says, clearly lying. “You know, I’ve met him before. Most of the intelligence community doesn’t believe he exists, but I always knew he does. He shot his target through me. ”

“Huh,” Tony says, “figures I just kind of stumbled upon him.” He pours a finger of whiskey, handing Romanoff the glass, before taking another for himself.

She tilts her head as she takes a delicate sip. “He hurt you somehow. How did you find out?”

“Steve came over and basically ruined everything,” Tony says, drinking it all down at once. “But he was brainwashed, I can’t be upset at him.”

“I think you have a right to be upset,” Romanoff says carefully. Tony squints at her, wondering if this is another manipulation tactic. “I’m serious. While what happened to him was awful, and he did it because he had no other choice, he  _did_ lie to you. I can see how that would hurt someone.”  
  
“I don’t know how much I trust that from someone who’s literal job is to lie,” Tony says, but there’s no heat behind his words. He can read between the lines. It’s the closest she’ll get to apologizing for her time as Natalie Rushman, and really, he does appreciate it. He doesn’t know Natasha Romanoff all that well, but he knows enough to realize an actual ‘sorry’ would have been fake. This subtle, delicate way of hinting at it – that’s more her style.

There’s a slight quirk to her lips. “Fair enough,” she says. She sets down her glass on the bar, having finished it. “Let’s take a look at what we have, shall we?”

 

 

 

By the next morning, the rest of the Avengers have arrived. Bruce is incredibly jet lagged, and Barton is a bit disgruntled at being called away from whatever the hell he was doing, but they’re there and and they’re ready for whatever needs the Avengers.

The only one they’re missing is Thor, who’s still back on Asgard, and there’s no way to really contact him.

Once everyone arrives, Steve gets them set up in a conference room where he briefs everyone on the situation. He glosses over the Barnes problem, which Tony is going to have to find time to talk to him about.

He’s dreading the conversation because he can’t imagine knowing your best friend went through such torture. If it had been Rhodey – no, don’t even go there. The thought is too horrible to consider.

“So, what’re we going to do about this, Cap?” Barton asks. He’s been largely quiet the entire time, crossing his arms over his chest and listening, which Tony can’t blame him for. He’s been through the whole ‘discovering that a system he’s been part of has secretly been lacking in morality the entire time,’ and it isn’t fun.

“Well, obviously, we can’t trust the government with this,” Steve says, “seeing as how at least a third of them are part of the conspiracy. Chances are we’re going to have to take this into our own hands.”

Tony cuts in at that point, knowing where Steve is going with this. “Meaning we’re going to have to expose their dealings ourselves, and the only way I can see that happening is by mass releasing their info onto the Internet, because, let’s be real, taking down an entire institution is not going to work with only five of us.”

“Yes,” Steve says, “but we’ll have to be careful to not reveal any actual state secrets, or compromise good SHIELD agents. Luckily, we have the upper hand right now, because HYDRA has no idea that we know, so we’re in control of what we put out.”

Bruce raises his hand like he’s actually back in school, and Tony rolls his eyes, hiding his smile. “Yeah, Bruce?”

“So, what did we gather here for? Sounds like you know what to do.”

Tony nods at that. “Yeah, provided HYDRA doesn’t catch on we should be able to quickly stop whatever schemes they have in place. But I took a look at some of the files. There’s still a  _lot_ of active HYDRA bases. Even if we manage to get them out of SHIELD, it’s not like they’ll completely go away. This is HYDRA, after all, and the fact that they’re here right now is proof enough that it’s not going to be so easy.”

“So you want us to reform so that we can take down these bases,” Bruce finishes.

“Exactly,” Steve says.

“I have another question,” Romanoff says. “How exactly did you find out about this, Stark?”

“Well, after JARVIS entered the SHIELD systems back with – with Loki, he never really left, which is a serious design flaw, by the way, their defense is awful. Anyway, I never took a look at what was actually in there because I had the information on what I was looking for – the Tesseract. But then… things happened. Uh, I had a runin with a HYDRA agent, so afterwards I had JARVIS track down their database, which he realized was literally just SHIELD. Like, it took him in total, I don’t know, an hour?”

“Two hours, Sir, but most of that was me searching for a traceable file from HYDRA.”

“Well, fuck,” Barton says. “Good to know I’ve been working for a Nazi group this entire time.”

“We can’t dwell on that, Barton,” Steve says. “We were  _all_ fooled. Hell, Fury didn’t know and he’s the director.”  
  
The mention of Fury makes Tony’s eyes widen. “Oh, fuck, we should probably tell Fury about all this.” Then he pauses, realizing that he has no idea what Fury’s up to at the moment. Tony can easily contact him, but what would Fury even be doing? ”What does he even do in his spare time? Hang around in his bat cave?”

“Probably,” Barton says, smirking.

Romanoff rolls her eyes. “What’s the timeline for this? Ideally we should leak this soon. Like, within the next few days,” she says. “Just to make sure those bastards don’t catch on.”

Tony waves a hand, gesturing to no one in particular. “JARVIS has been scanning through the database and separating what we need from what we don’t. He’s almost done, I think,” he says. “Probably by this evening. He’ll let me know once he’s ready.”

“Okay,” Romanoff says, sighing. “We can just – prepare for that until then.”

“There is a lot of intel,” Steve says. “Although JARVIS is handling most of it we can still take a look through. Tony already has.”

“Right,” Tony says, just the slightest touch awkwardly. “Actually, I wanted to tell you something about that. Uh, alone.” He glances at the rest of the room. He doesn’t mind them knowing, they probably should all be made aware eventually, but right now he just wants to talk to Steve.

Steve gets the hint and nods at the team. “Alright, meeting’s over.” Once they all leave, he turns to Tony. “What is it? Is it about Bucky?”

“Yeah, and you’re going to want to sit down for this, probably,” Tony says as he opens up Barnes’ file. ”And, uh, don’t attack me either. I’m just the messenger.”

“Get on with it, Tony,” Steve says, with just a hint of impatience.

“Right, so,” Tony flicks his hand, sending the file over the table so that Steve can take a look at it. Then he takes a seat himself, and begins to explain.

Not too far long in, Steve’s jaw clenches as he stares at Tony, and by the time he’s finished, Steve is looking incredibly pale. He’s breathing heavily, eyes suspiciously shiny. “All this time…” Steve breathes. He takes one look at the file that’s still innocently floating above the table, and turns away, shutting his eyes. “Okay. Okay.” He takes a breath in through his nose, and out through his mouth. “No wonder he – no wonder he didn’t remember anything.”

“Yeah,” Tony says quietly.

“We have to find him,” Steve says. “Bring him back. We can’t just let him – go like that.”

“I agree. I already have JARVIS on the lookout for him. Once we’re done dealing with SHIELDRA we can focus our attention on him.”  
  
“Good,” Steve whispers.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, sirs, but I have discovered one particular file that I don’t believe you will like.”

Tony closes his eyes and counts to ten. “Is it Barnes-related?”  
  
“It is, and the only reason I am bringing it up is because it directly pertains to you, Sir. I am incredibly sorry about it, however.” Another file pops up in front of Tony, and he reads the title.

“Mission report, December 16, 1991 – what the hell is this?” Part of him already knows what he’s going to find in it, but he doesn’t want to admit it. He  _can't_ admit it. He’d always suspected, back when he first heard it from Obie. The Starks had a lot of enemies, and it made sense for them to try and get rid of them. But he’d never had any proof, not beyond his own suspicions, and soon he had convinced himself his idiot, drunken father had gotten the two of them killed.

The report itself is very cut and dry. From the book. It dispassionately states that the targets were eliminated in a manner made to look like an accident. Howard had his face bashed in, and Maria’s neck was snapped. The impact had been too much for their bodies to handle.

Tony sees red, bloody and violent in the way it tints his world. He’s going to seek out Barnes this very moment, and kill him with his bare hands, the way he did to his parents. Had Barnes laughed? Had he done it as he did everything else? Without any emotion, feeling? Like a heartless – creature? He has never felt rage like this, incandescent in its intensity, red hot and filling him up until it’s all he knows.

He wants to bash his face in, snap his neck so that he feels a modicum of the pain his parents felt. He killed his  _mom_. Had he known the entire time? Had he been keeping that inside him, while using Tony?

He can faintly hear someone speaking to him, but he can’t make the words out over the pounding of the blood in his ears.

Tony bolts – or, well, he attempts to, only for a pair of strong arms to wrap around his middle and press him against a chest. “Let me go!” he screams, kicking out. “You – I have to get that fucker!”

“Tony, please calm down!”  
  
Tony shakes his head violently – a part of him thinks he must look absolutely feral, like he’s gone insane, and maybe he has. “He killed my mom! Let me go, you bastard!” He blindly lashes out with his elbow, and it must connect somehow, because he feels the cracking of bone, and the arms wrapped around him reflexively let go.

Panting, he doesn’t hesitate to run off, not looking back. He races through the tower, closing himself off in a random, empty room once he believes Steve won’t be able to track him down, rubbing his bracelets. “Get me the suit, J.”

“Sir, I don’t believe you would–”

“Fuck off and do it!”

It takes a few minutes, but soon the suit is racing towards him, and envelops his body. Tony lets out a sigh, ready to leave through the nearest window, but then Steve bursts in, nose pouring blood that covers half his face.

“Don’t do this, Tony!” His voice is slightly nasal, muffled by the blood in his nose. Maybe it’s broken, and Tony suppresses the guilt that simmers within him.

“Shut the hell up, Rogers. Don’t make me hurt you more.”

Steve takes a deep breath, moving standing right in front of the armor and in the way of the windows. “I get that you’re upset, but this isn’t the way to solve this. Killing him… won’t change what happened. You’re only going to regret it later.”

“I don’t care,” Tony says coldly, “that bastard killed my mom.”

“Please,” Steve says imploringly, eyes wide. “Think about this. You don’t want to do this. And I can’t  _let_ you do this. He’s my friend.”

Tony comes forward, lifting a hand. He’s ready to shoot Steve in the stomach with a low-powered repulsor, red swimming in his vision, but something makes him stop. Maybe it’s the sight of the blood on Steve’s face, and the knowledge that he did that – that he hurt his  _friend_. Just as suddenly as the fire built up in him, it dies out, the red trickling away until all that’s left is dark blue guilt.

Slowly, Tony lowers his hand back down. Then he opens up the suit so he can step out. Immediately, he collapses onto his knees, exhausted by the sheer rush of emotions running through him. Steve hurries forward so he can grab him before he falls on his face.

“I’m so tired, Cap. I hate being hurt by him,” Tony whispers. He can feel a stinging in his eyes that he can’t quite hold back.

There’s a sigh. “I’m sorry, Tony. I get why you feel so upset.”

Tony pauses, lifting his head to look straight into Steve’s eyes. “You do?”

“Of course I do. I saw how – upset you were, back in Malibu. I can only imagine how it must feel to be betrayed like that.”

Tony’s face screws up slightly, hearing those words. “I can’t believe you’re taking my side over his.”

“There’s no sides,” Steve says gently. “We’re all – struggling, in our own ways. But we want the same things, I think.”

Tony lets out a watery laugh, unable to stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks. “I should be the one comforting you. You just – found out what’s been happening to your best friend all these years.”

“And you just found out what happened to your parents.” The reminder stings, but all Tony can feel is hurt now. That – desire to hurt, to kill, is gone. He’s sure it’ll come back up if he sees Barnes sometime soon, but right now, he just wants to sleep, for a very long time. His life has been one shock after the other for a few days now, and he can barely keep up.

Sometimes, Tony wonders what would have happened if they didn’t become friends. If they hadn’t spent that week in the hospital talking, sharing stories, trying to move on from their explosive first meeting. He couldn’t imagine it having gone the same way as this – them, sitting on the floor, holding onto each other in an attempt to provide comfort.

It definitely couldn’t have. They’d probably still be fighting all the time. Steve would probably be more focused on Barnes than anyone else, because he wouldn’t have that link to the present like he does now – the Avengers.

Would the team still be separated otherwise? It seems impossible, but Tony knows how ‘busy’ they all were. Too unwilling to let down their walls and open up to each other.

It’s barely been a day since they’ve all assembled for the second time, but Tony can’t help but feel as though this could become a family one day. The bond is there, fragile as it is. They’ve spent time together just goofing off, watching movies, or playing a game. Clearly, it can become stronger as time passes. They just – need to make sure to work on it.

Tony thinks, this might not have happened had he not been attacked. They only stayed because he was in the hospital, otherwise they would have all gone their separate ways without taking the time to get to know each other.

But then, this thing between all of them is delicate, a single thread weaving in between them, but strong enough to survive time. To survive disasters and catastrophes. They’re the Avengers. They can get through whatever the universe throws at them. This family was destined to form.

Tony tentatively wraps his own arms around Steve, returning the comfort. No, he can’t imagine this having gone any other way.

 

 

 

It’s not too long before JARVIS is ready, and even less time passes before HYDRA’s entire database is dumped onto the Internet. Fury had been warned beforehand, and he agreed it was the best and only option they had in their timeframe.

Quickly, governments and organizations and random people catch onto the dump, and the revelations within them are staggering.

It’s all people can talk about on the news. The five of them stand there, watching the TV.

“We’re going to have to make some sort of statement,” Tony says, arms crossed over his chest. “We might be called to Congress, too. But I don’t think that’ll lead anywhere. We were careful not to expose any actual secrets that could get us labeled as traitors.”

Romanoff nods, and she turns to the others. Her face is – not necessarily hesitant, but Tony can sense that she’s a bit unsure of what she’s going to say, which is – new. “Also, kind of related to this, I think it’s – time we came above ground. There’s basically no SHIELD left, there’s no way they can survive this. I’ve always kept a low identity because of my work, but if we’re going to Avengers full-time… then it’s time to stop that.”

“Nat, what do you mean–” Barton starts.

“I mean that we can’t have the world living in the dark about us all. The only ones they really know are Stark, Thor, and kind of Cap, and even that’s a reach because no one knows for certain whether it is Steve Rogers or not. But we’re the Avengers. Earth’s protectors. If they can’t even attach a name to us how is anyone expected to trust us? Especially when things like HYDRA are operating secretly.”

Tony is nodding along before she even finishes, because that’s a damn good point, and part of the reason he had even revealed himself as Iron Man all those years ago. “If we want to be a team, we need to start acting like it.” He starts pacing slowly without realizing. “Before, we expected SHIELD to handle whatever PR came our way, because technically, we were operating under them. Of course, that can’t happen anymore, and now we’re not operating under anyone. We’re essentially governing ourselves. If we want to keep it that way, we  _have_ to have a system of accountability. We have to be aware of what the world is saying. We need PR, which, don’t worry, I can handle. We need accountability, responsibility. We need funding, which I can also handle.”  
  
Steve steps forward, nodding. “What the both of you said, that’s all true. We’re in charge of ourselves now, so it’s time we take things into our own hands.”  
  
“Alright,” Barton says slowly. “Yeah. We can do that. Might as well.”  
  
Bruce sighs. “I guess it’s time I faced the world again.”  
  
Tony frowns, remembering what had happened with him and Ross. He claps a hand on Bruce’s back. “Don’t worry, Bruce, you’re untouchable now that you’re part of the Avengers. Nothing will happen to you. I guarantee it.”  
  
“Thanks,” Bruce says, giving Tony a small smile. “I appreciate that. I really do.”

“Alright, team,” Steve says, clapping his hands together once. “We’ve done a good job so far. Tony, you have JARVIS monitoring the situation, right?”

“I do, and I can start working on a statement.” Tony thinks of whenever there was some sort of situation in SI, good or bad. “We should probably hold a press conference. People are going to be scared, especially when it seems like some nameless guys released all this.” There. Maybe he wasn’t the greatest CEO, but he still knows his shit. He can do this.

“Good idea,” Steve says approvingly. “Get started on that. And… I think that’s it for now, really. We just need to make sure to come clean very soon, before the world goes insane.”

“Oh, Steve,” Tony says just before he leaves the room. “I just want to say, I was planning on tracking down Barnes, but – I don’t think I can do it, to be honest. Not without doing something I know I’ll regret. So I give you full power over that. JARVIS will give you whatever details you need.”

Steve smiles. “Alright. Thanks, Tony.”

 

 

 

A month passes.

They handled the SHIELD situation cleanly, holding a press conference and revealing what went down. It’s also when the members who aren’t publicly known reveal their identities just to be transparent with the public. Congress calls them all for a hearing, which also goes well because, well, there’s nothing they can really complain about.

In short, the situation went much better than Tony could have ever thought it would. He’s almost suspicious that something bad is going to pop up just to make up for how smoothly the exposure went.

They’ve started to hunt down HYDRA bases, too. As it turns out, there’s quite a few still active, and though SHIELD is down they’re still operating. With the leak, they very quickly caught on that JARVIS was in their systems and fully abandoned it. Whether they created a new, stronger database or just decided to go with pencil and paper or what is beyond Tony. But the information they already have is enough, so Tony doesn’t particularly mind. Them catching on is a small sacrifice for coming clean.

Steve’s been searching for Barnes, to no avail. Every time JARVIS manages to track him down, it seems as though he escapes just as Steve arrives to the location. Tony’s not sure what exactly he’s playing at, if he’s aware that he’s being tracked and is intentionally running away, or is just… wandering the globe for whatever reason.

Tony’s certain that Barnes’ll come up eventually. He can’t keep running forever.

Part of him thinks maybe he should just let Barnes go, but he’s still a liability. He’s still – dangerous, potentially. Tony hasn’t heard of any injuries or deaths that could possibly be related to him, but that doesn’t mean anything.

He doesn’t want to admit that he hates where they left off, that he wants to –  _possibly_ – fix this. He’s still pissed. He still sees the words in his head every time he goes to sleep. The only positive is that there’s no footage. Or maybe there is, and JARVIS is just keeping it from him. Tony hasn’t really… felt the urge to search for it. It would just confirm what he read, and he’s not entirely sure he wants to do that.

“Look alive, Tony,” Steve says as he passes by, snapping Tony out of his thoughts. “We’re almost touching down.”

“Oh, right.” Tony gets up from where he was seated. “You want me to go ahead for recon?” He picks up his helmet which he had set aside earlier, putting it on.

“Go ahead. Just – be stealthy about it. We don’t want HYDRA knowing we’re there.”

Tony pulls open the Quinjet door. “Yeah, yeah. I can do that. Don’t worry your pretty little butt about it.”

“It’s not, uh, pretty?” Steve starts, but Tony is already leaving.

The last thing he hears before closing the door behind him is Natasha saying, “It’s a good butt, Cap.”

Tony flies ahead, scanning the base for major threats, as well as any defense. They’ve already called ahead for several government agencies to arrest whoever’s in the bases.

He can see that there’s several air cannons that he’s going to have to disable – but he’ll have to get inside for that. “JARVIS, see if you can locate their systems anyway.”

JARVIS takes a few moments, then says, “It will take time, Sir. Time that we don’t have.”

From what Tony can tell, there’s a lot of labs. There’s not many windows, but the few there are reveal many science labs. There also don’t seem to be many heat signatures in the area. From the briefing before they headed out, they had determined it was mostly a science division, so that aligns with what they know.

“Okay, I’m pretty sure this is just a science base,” Tony says into the comm. “There doesn’t seem to be much here besides labs. Defense isn’t too high either. I’m going to try and disable their systems once I get in.”

 _“That’s good,”_ Steve says. _“We’re landing right now. Think we can get in without being noticed?”_

“Uh, probably. If I can manage to access their system. I’m surprised they haven’t spotted me flying around yet, to be honest.” He touches down on the ground, checking for an opening. There is an entrance with a keypad, which he easily hacks to open the door without tripping any alarm. HYDRA really needs better security.

Tony strides into an empty hallway. The walls and floor are both white, with fluorescent lights that are nearly blinding. “I’m in,” he says to the team. “Door on the southwest side is open.”

 _“Thanks, Iron Man,”_ Steve says.

The building is eerily quiet as he creeps around as quietly as he can in his armor. He knows there are people around, he can clearly see with the heat signatures all around him, but it’s – silent. He can’t hear talking. “I don’t see or hear anything going on. I mean, there’s something, but it’s really quiet.”

 _“Okay,”_ Steve says.  _“What we can do is – we can split up, like we planned. Some of us can create a diversion to call whatever agents are here to us, so that the rest of us can shut down the building and destroy whatever they’re doing.”_

 _“Do we need a Code Green?”_ Bruce asks hesitantly.

 _“Not yet, but you might be useful for the distraction, Banner.”_ Steve pauses. _"_ _Okay, Hawkeye and I will draw attention to us while Iron Man and Widow can look around since they’re the most… uh… tech-y people here.”_

“Aw, thanks, Cap,” Tony says, trying hard not to laugh at him. He’s not being mean, okay, it’s just funny. He sighs and glances around, making sure there’s still no one near. He spots a door and checks to make sure there’s no one inside before heading in. “Alright, we’re good to go.” Tony looks around the room, wondering if there’s anything important in it. Doesn’t seem to be.

_“Great. Hawkeye, I just need you to… there. Okay, now set it off.”_

Immediately, there’s a loud bang that even Tony can hear. A second later, the lights go dark and an alarm sounds. It’s not too long after that he can hear the sound of multiple footsteps and shouting rushing past the room. Once that’s clear, he heads out again and checks what he believes to be the nearest lab.

Two scientists stare in shock at him as he enters and he doesn’t hesitate before taking them both down. There are several computers on a table, as well as some machines and – oh, fuck, is that the scepter Loki used? How did it get all the way here – SHIELD took it after the invasion. And since SHIELD was HYDRA, then… okay. “Cap, we got a situation here,” Tony says, grabbing the scepter. “Turns out they have Loki’s scepter.”

Steve sounds out of breath as he says,  _“Wait, they what?”_

“Loki’s scepter. They have it. I’m going to… check and see what shit they’ve pulled with it.” Tony tuns to the computers, attempts to type with his clunky metal fingers, and then thinks better of it and takes off the suit. Thankfully, he doesn’t need to log in or anything because, while he could manage it, it would just waste time that he doesn’t have.

There are several files on the scepter and what they’ve attempted to do with it. Tony quickly scans the page. Apparently they’ve been testing it on people to see whether they can gain any powers. So far, they’ve failed, and the test subjects have died due to the power it holds. He doesn’t hesitate before purging the data. It’s nothing they need.

“Widow, you found anything yet?” Tony asks, just before something sharp and metallic pokes him in the back and everything goes black.

 

 

 

Tony wakes in the medical wing.

He’s tired of waking up in hospital rooms, but with his job he supposes there’s no helping it. Sighing, he turns to Steve, who’s sitting by his bed. “What was it this time?”

“You idiot,” Steve mutters, instead of answering the question. “Why did you leave your suit?”  
  
“I thought I’d be safe,” Tony protests. “It was only just for a second.”  
  
Steve sighs. “Did you not think at all? Even just for a second–” He stops, shakes his head, “–fucking hell, next time stay in the suit or at least make it so that it can monitor what’s going on or whatever.” Hm. A sentry mode is not a bad idea. “It was some agent who happened to check the lab you were in,” Steve continues, “and they tried to use the scepter to control you or something. But…” He hesitates then, and Tony frowns.

“What, Steve?”

“You… might not like this,” Steve says delicately.

“What is it, Steven?”

“Bucky was the one who saved you. Apparently, he’s been going around trying to shut down HYDRA bases himself because he’s, I don’t know, fucking dumb, and he happened to be at the same one as us.”

Tony blinks, considers that. “Oh,” he says. “Is he here? In the tower, I mean?”  
  
“Yeah, I… convinced him to come back with us. I think he’s scared of seeing you, though, which is why he isn’t here.”  
  
“Mm. I.” Tony pauses. “I. I do want to see him eventually, just – not now.” Not when he’s still thinking of his mother, and what happened to her. When he’s thinking of Yakov and how he knew him so well, only for it to turn out that he didn’t know him at all.

“Alright. The rest of the team wants to see you now, and so does Ms. Potts,” Steve says, nodding at the door. “I just told them to wait until you woke up to not crowd you.”

“Let them loose,” Tony says. “Wait. Did we – get to do what we wanted to do?” he asks, just as Steve gets up.

“Yeah, we got the scepter back, the agents have been arrested and all data destroyed, and Bruce is busy analyzing whatever experiments they had. All in all, it went well, except for, you know.” Steve walks over to the door, letting the others in. “He’s awake now, guys.”

Pepper, Romanoff, Bruce, and Barton all crowd in, immediately heading towards his bedside. “How are you feeling?” Pepper asks, grabbing his chin and inspecting his face.

“I’m fine,” Tony mumbles, “don’t even know why I’m here.”

“Because you nearly got mind controlled, Tony,” Bruce says. “I think you were for a little bit, to be honest, until the agent was knocked out. Then you blacked out, too.”

“Oh,” Tony says, “how long do I have to stay here?”

Bruce crosses his arms, thinking. “Not too long, honestly? You don’t seem to have any ill effects from the scepter, but I would still like to run a few tests on you to make sure for certain.”  
  
Tony lets out a loud, aggravated sigh. “Fine.”

“Hey, at least you didn’t get hit on the head,” Barton says cheerfully.

Romanoff nods. “Cognitive recalibration,” she adds.

Tony lightly touches the spot on his head where that man hit him all those months ago. The area has completely healed up, but sometimes he can feel it twinge, like many of his old injuries. “Yeah, I’ve had enough of that for a while.”

 

 

 

Tony’s let out of the medical wing only hours later, which, thank god. That’s the least amount of time he’s ever had to spend in one, but he’s not complaining. Bruce concluded that there was nothing wrong with him, and that the scepter hadn’t left any ill effects, which makes sense considering Barton is completely fine? Well, for the most part, anyway. The guy does drink juice straight from the container, which is disgusting.

A week goes by quickly enough. They’re still working on taking out HYDRA bases, and are planning on their next raid. Bruce and Tony have been scanning the scepter, which they think should be taken back to Asgard – except Thor isn’t around. They have found out some interesting features about it, but Tony’s unwilling to touch that stuff just yet. Something tells him it’s not a good idea. Maybe in the future, but right now, it’s a no from him.

Barnes is around somewhere, apparently, but he might as well be a ghost, because Tony hasn’t seen any sign of him, not in the week he’s been at the tower. Not that Tony can’t easily find him, but he would expect to at least see Barnes when he enters a room or something. But it’s as though he doesn’t even exist. According to JARVIS, though, he is around, so at least he hasn’t secretly left yet.

Tony spends most of his time in the workshop, anyway. He’s been working on making more suits, since just two aren’t going to be enough to fight whatever’s coming. They need to be better, so he’s been steadily building a suit for any potential situation he can think of – deep space, stealth, whatever. It keeps his mind busy and off the fact that he can’t sleep, because whenever he does, the yawning maw of space is filling up his vision, stars trickling into his eyes.

Plus, staying in the workshop allows him to avoid Barnes. Tony thought he wanted to eventually talk to him, but now that he actually has the opportunity he’s realizing he’s not ready – not at all. Preferably, he’d like to talk never. This – tentative truce they hold is good enough for him.

He thinks he’s concerning the other members of the team. They try to talk to him, sometimes. About what, he’s not sure. The fact that he obviously has some sort of problem? Tony’s fine, he really is, making suits is not a coping mechanism, okay, it’s necessary.

Sometimes, they also bring up Barnes, which is – no, okay. They don’t even know what happened between the two of them. Steve is the only one who even has an idea, and that’s barely any of the story.

Two weeks pass, however, and they seemingly give up. Or they just realize that it’s better they don’t interfere, because he overhears them one time while he’s wandering up to the kitchen.

“I think you should just leave it, Cap,” Barton is saying. “Those two’ll learn to get their heads out of their asses eventually. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

“But–”  
  
“But nothing. Stark and Barnes both need to deal with whatever shit is between them on their own. I know you’re kind of involved in your own way, but really, this is something they need to do on their own. We can’t help them.”

“I – fine,” Steve says eventually, sighing.

Tony frowns, and decides he can wait a few more minutes before eating, and goes back down to the workshop. Is it really that obvious? He knew  _they_ knew something was up, but do they – do they know details? Like how – how Tony had felt?

Or at least, do Barton and Romanoff know, being the spy twins and all? Romanoff had said that thing to him all those weeks ago, about having the right to be upset, but she didn’t actually know what had gone on.

As much as Tony wants to find out, he doesn’t mention the topic to anyone. That way, he can pretend it’s not an actual situation and keep ignoring it. He still hasn’t seen Barnes, which is – incredible. Not even when he comes up for movie night, because that’s a thing now.

Steve looks sad every time they have it and Barnes doesn’t show up. Tony’s not always there, so he’s assuming that Barnes shows up during those times. Maybe, he thinks, they should deal with this thing. Because he doesn’t – he may be upset at Barnes, but he doesn’t want him to feel like a stranger in the tower. He’s – fully welcome to do whatever he wants, and show up to movie night if he so desires.

There’s no way this thing can last. It has to boil over at some point, and that’s what eventually happens. Tony’s wandering into the kitchen to get a late night snack and erase the memories of the stars flashing in his vision, taunting him with an eerie blackness that filters into his throat and fills him up until he can’t scream.

It goes fine initially. He opens the fridge, grabs some old container of spaghetti, turns around, and yelps. Barnes stares at him, wide-eyed. “Oh, my god!” Tony exclaims. “How long have you been standing there?”

Barnes blinks, and seemingly defrosts from the position he was frozen in, forcibly releasing the tension built up in his shoulders. He has an array of sandwiches spread out in front of him “I – a while? You just didn’t see me when you came in.”

“Oh,” Tony says. He had been kind of out of it. He frowns at Barnes as he puts the container in the microwave. “Uh. Well, are you just… going to stay here?” He winces, because that was rude, and he doesn’t want Barnes to think that he’s unwelcome here any more than he already does. “Sorry, that came out wrong.”

“It’s fine, I was just about to go,” Barnes says, even though he still has like five sandwiches left.

“No, no, you can stay. I don’t mind,” Tony says. He crosses his arms over his chest, waiting for the microwave to beep.

“Okay.” Barnes stands there awkwardly, not saying anything else. They stand there in silence, with only the microwave making any noise as it warms up his food. “Microwaves are – good,” Barnes says eventually.

Tony is snapped out of whatever trance he found himself in. “Hmm?”

“They’re – we didn’t have them back in the thirties and forties. They’re good. Makes it so much easier to eat.”

“Yeah, they are,” Tony says, at a loss for any other words. “They’re a – good invention. I would know.” Fuck, maybe that was too arrogant. Not that Tony should care, but–

Barnes is smiling. It’s barely there, but Tony can see the sparkle in his eyes. “Yeah, you would,” he says. “You always did have – the best inventions.”

The microwave beeps before he can say anything else, and Tony takes the steaming hot container out, seating himself at the table. He nods at Barnes, gesturing for him to join him.

Barnes pauses, but does eventually, and they sit in silence as they eat.

It’s a sad meal, because half the spaghetti is cold and dry while the other half is too hot to even touch, but Tony eats it anyway. Finally, because he’s still emotionally compromised from his nightmare, he says, “You can’t sleep either?”

Barnes takes a bite of his sandwich, chewing. “No,” he says, “I never can. I always see their – faces.”  
  
Tony doesn’t need to ask for him to elaborate to know, and he’d rather not hear more. “Mm.” But for some reason, he goes on talking. “You know, I – I found out what you did to my parents.”  
  
Barnes freezes. “What did I do? Oh, god, don’t tell me, I didn’t–”

“You did,” Tony says quietly.

Barnes’ eyes are wide, upset. “I – I didn’t even know that I did that – god, Tony, how can you even look at me? I barely understand why you’re letting me stay here, but now – after everything I did to you, things that I apparently didn’t even know about that I did anyway, I just –  _how_?”

Tony takes a bite of his cold spaghetti, considering. “I… I mean, to be fair, I haven’t exactly been looking at you. I just – you know, when I first found out, about my parents, I nearly went out and killed you? I didn’t really get that far – I didn’t even get out the tower, actually, but I wanted to kill you. All I could see was red. It was – scary,” he admits, “because I’ve only ever felt like that one other time, and I did – kill them, then. But… Steve calmed me down, because at the end of the day, I don’t really want to hurt you. Even after everything you’ve done, I  _can't_. Because I know, logically, that none of it was your fault.”

Barnes opens his mouth, but Tony cuts him off. The thought of his parents still hurts, but sitting here, seeing what has happened to Barnes, he can’t find it in himself to hate him.

“Yeah, even the lying to me bit. I was a bit dumb myself, because I  _knew_ there was something you were hiding, and I was acting willfully blind about it, because I didn’t want to consider the fact that you were, I don’t know, not what you said you were. I mean, you literally told me you killed people, Yakov.” It slips out softly, without thinking, but now he can’t take it back. “I thought you meant in the military or something, but I shouldn’t have acted so ignorant.”  
  
“Tony, you didn’t know about HYDRA back then. All you knew was that a person you trusted had turned out to be part of HYDRA. You didn’t know what they did to me back then, and okay, Steve’s talked to me a lot about this, he keeps saying it’s not my fault, but I still did it. I still – killed those people.” Barnes’ gaze flickers down, but then he looks back up, with that piercing stare of his. “Your parents.” Tony flinches.

“I – I really am sorry,” Barnes continues softly, “and I know this means nothing now, but I swear I was going to tell you everything. I was just – trying to figure things out on my own, because for the first time in my life I was thinking for myself. I was trying to – decide what I wanted, you know? And I realized, I wanted you, and I didn’t want HYDRA. I was eventually going to try and rebel against them, with your help – uh, if you were willing to give it.”

“I believe you,” Tony says, and he knows he shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t, but he figures, why would Barnes bother lying to him about that? And he

Barnes is feeling incredibly guilty – anyone can tell that, so it’s unlikely that he’d lie to Tony again. Highly unlikely. “God, we’re both – we’re idiots, aren’t we? The two of us.”

Barnes cracks a tremulous smile. “Yeah,” he says, “I guess so.”

“And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry, too. I really am. I shouldn’t have been so – judgmental right away. It’s just–”

“Don’t apologize for that. I  _did_ betray you, whether it was unintentional or not. And I, I don’t remember much from before, only flashes, but I’ve gotten an idea of how our relationship was like… before.”

  
Tony knows what he’s talking about, but he almost doesn’t want him to say it.

“And I – I’m so sorry I did that to you,” Barnes says. His eyes are watery, Tony realizes, shining in the city lights filtering in through the windows.“It was clear how much you loved me, and I can’t really say for certain, but I think I loved you, too.” Tony sucks in a deep breath. “And I know this because I’ve always loved you,” Barnes whispers, “and though they always made me forget, erased my memory, did whatever they could to brainwash me, they never could erase my love for you.”

Tony thinks he might be crying, too. Barnes stands up and walks around the table so that he’s right by his side, and Tony turns to face him. He’s pretty certain he’s got a bit of tomato sauce on his beard and lips, and attempts to wipe it off. Barnes ignores that, however, cupping his cheeks and staring down at him with what must be the sappiest face in existence. “All those years I spent in the clutches of HYDRA, I – I always knew there was someone out there, waiting for me, and I knew that my love for that someone – it kept me sane, the knowledge that I would one day meet them, because no matter how brainwashed I was, I felt it – my  _love_ – right there in my heart. And whenever we met, it felt like I was meeting my soulmate for the first time all over again. And then, when I had to leave you, it was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced, more painful than anything HYDRA could have ever done to me, like my heart was being ripped out, and every time, it felt like the first time. You’ve always been the one for me, Tony, even when I didn’t know my own name, because no matter what, it was you. It always has been.”

Tony sniffs, grabbing onto Barnes’ – no, Bucky’s hands. “I love you, too,” he whispers, completely overtaken by emotion. “I missed you so much, Yakov. Alexander.”

“I’m still here. You can still have me,” Bucky says back, voice trembling, and for once, Tony doesn’t know what to say, so instead he does what’s he’s been wanting to do for years – decades, really – surging up and pressing his lips against Bucky’s in a kiss.

The embrace is – it’s just like before, one flesh arm and one metal arm wrapping around him tightly, and though it’s been years he still melts into the familiarity, the – _rightness_ of this, because it’s Alexander, and it’s Yakov, and it’s Bucky, and they were always meant to be together, no matter what, they’re soulmates, like Bucky said, and their love always managed to shine through. Tony loves him so much his entire body aches, and he can’t believe he finally has him here in his arms, permanently. Until the end of time. There’s no fear of him disappearing this time, and even if there was Tony’s not going to let him go. Not this time. Not ever.

 

 

 

The next morning, the difference is palpable.

For one, Bucky and Tony are in the same room together. For another, they’re talking and laughing, and, to the team’s alarm, cuddling like they haven’t spent the past few weeks avoiding each other at all costs.

“When did this happen?” Steve asks in shock.

Tony snuggles into Bucky, not wanting to leave his arms now that he finally has him back. He finally feels warm, safe. “Either last night or two decades ago. Take your pick, there’s no in between.”

“I – I’m happy for you, I really am,” Steve says, still blinking at them slowly, “I just thought you refused to see each other?” He pauses, and turns to the rest of the team. “Did you guys have a hand in this?”

They all shake their heads quickly.

“I told you they’d figure it out on their own, Cap,” Barton says, “all the pining was ridiculous.  _I_ could tell and I’ve only known Barnes for like, two weeks.”

“We could all tell,” Romanoff says, Bruce nodding behind her. “Time was all it really needed.” Then she smiles at the two of them, and Tony is struck by it. He’s pretty certain it’s the first time he’s seen her smile –  _really_ smile. “Are you two happy?”  
  
Tony glances up at Bucky, sure there’s a dumb, sappy grin on his face, but it doesn’t matter because Bucky has the same stupid smile. “Yeah,” they say at the same time.

Romanoff’s gaze softens. “Then it’s all good. And I’m happy for you, too. You deserve it, both of you.”

Tony tilts his head up, gazing into Bucky’s piercing blue eyes, and kisses him, feeling like for the first time in a long time, he’s come home.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompts were: "Periodically throughout Tony’s life, Hydra has sent someone to assess if Tony could be potentially recruited or needs to be terminated. Sometimes, they sent the Winter Soldier. (MCU)" and "Obadiah Stane."
> 
> Yakov is the Russian equivalent to Jacob, Jake, and James. A diminutive of it is also Yasha, which I imagine Tony starts calling Bucky eventually. And yes, he did spend his time looking that up just to give Bucky a nickname.


End file.
